I realise, that the mere implication that AFC Wimbledon are anything less than whiter than white may be difficult for you to stomach, but bear with me here, because beneath the media-induced glorious surface lurks a club that have left a trail of destruction in their wake, the irony of a bigger club damaging a smaller one clearly lost on them. (This seems a reasonable juncture to point out that a dislike of AFC is not a tacit support of MK Dons. My feelings towards them are not new, nor different from the multitude previously expressed by many, and as such I won’t go over them again.) But the club have been far from perfect, especially in its dealings with my club, Kingstonian, of whom AFCW are landlords, and this coming week sees a move that is symbolic in the course of this relationship, the destruction of the Ks home (The Dons away) stand, The Kingston Road End, the re-building of which will see it replaced with seats.

We all know about the (re?)birth of AFCW, and despite the damage done by the Dons there remains something subversive and inspiring about a club refusing to die and fighting against the system in order to survive and eventually thrive. But the circumstances by which they ended up at Kingsmeadow have been less heralded.

Intrinsically linked to the birth of AFCW are the troubled events surrounding Kingstonian at the turn of the millennium. After a successful spell in the conference under Geoff Chapple that saw a 5th place finish nicely supported by two FA Trophy wins, things began to go downhill. As enjoyable as the era was, the golden period was built upon financial mismanagement, and despite being a matter of seconds away from an FA Cup fifth round tie that may have balanced the books, the demise of Ks was inevitable.

After lurching from one economic calamity to another, the club ended up in the hands of one Rajesh Khosla, who was, in essence, an asset stripper. To cut a long, messy story short, Kingstonian’s situation continued to deteriorate, and the selling of Kingsmeadow would not only save the club, but also line Khosla’s pockets quite nicely. It’s at this point that the recently re-formed Dons stepped in. The timing was perfect for the phoenix club, who were searching for a ground at the time KM became available. While it seems a perfect fit, surely AFC of all clubs should have avoided dealing with a man whose raison d’etre was individual gain, whether it destroyed a club at not.

Rob Tolfrey’s Decisive Shoot-Out Save In Front Of The KRE: FA Cup .v. Margate.

The historical balance is a delicate one. The sale ultimately saved the Ks, but the majority of the money was never seen by the club, a legacy that hurts the club to this day, as its total lack of assets has long-term implications. While it’s entirely possible that Kingstonian may no longer exist (in its current guise) were not it for the intervention of AFC, the loss of Kingsmeadow, and the way in which the scenario now plays leaves the Ks powerless. Not only is their future entirely dependent on decisions made by the Dons, but their lack of finances leave them powerless in any negotiations over the future of Kingsmeadow.

This is significant. Long-term, the future of Wimbledon does not lie at Kingsmeadow for the simple reason that for a club whose identity is so rooted in geography that surely they would drown in a bath of irony if their existence continued in Kingston. The end-game has to be a return to Merton (or somewhere a lot closer), in which case the future of Kingsmeadow hangs in the balance. (A side-issue, but key concern here is the future of Tooting and Mitcham. Their ground is far more ideally placed for Wimbledon, with plenty of room to expand, watch this space…) If Ks cannot afford to buy it off them, there’s a chance it could be taken over by the council and knocked down/turned into flats/turned into Tesco/turned into a shrine for AFC Wimbledon. This would leave Ks homeless, and perhaps hopeless.

But as I say, there’s balance here. Ks play rent-free at Kingsmeadow, the overheads are low, very low, and as such the continued existence is entirely down to AFC. However, this existence is at the expense of the chance of longer-term thriving. No money is made for Ks through the ground, and while this is an experience of many who share grounds, there is a bigger issue. As long as AFC exist in Kingston, the Ks crowds will suffer. Necessarily high prices amongst all the teams in the Ryman means the disparity between Ks and AFC ticket costs are not large enough to ensure new fans come to Ks. Your new or neutral fan in Kingston or the surrounding area will be drawn to AFC through a combination of a higher standard of football, and the chance to see the media darlings in the flesh.

For Ks, the possibility of getting new fans, in an area with so much choice of non-league teams (Met Police, Tooting, Sutton, Carshalton and Hampton are all crowd-stealingly-close-by.) A recent chat with a barman in a Thames Ditton pub was a prime example of this. A football nut, he is always looking for an excuse to go to a game, even stretching to take in a Met Police reserve fixture. But on a free Saturday his destination of choice is Kingsmeadow, to see Wimbledon. This is exactly the kind of fan Ks, and all non-league clubs, need to find to secure their future, but for Ks they are fighting a losing battle. Ks’ attendances are down by a third in recent years (they were higher in the Ryman South), this is entirely down to the continued existence of AFC. Those 150 or so fans that Ks have lost would mean very little to AFC, but for Ks, they mean everything. This ensures that the reach of Ks, both in terms of influence and league position is limited. The team that found themselves in the upper echelons of the non-league game 12 years ago now sit in the middle of the Ryman Premier, on a less-than-average budget for the division.

On a smaller scale there are other issues. It has never been made particularly public, but The Dons have made things difficult for Ks to arrange cup games in the past. A recent London Senior Cup tie was not allowed to be played on the desired date, despite it not clashing with any Dons fixture, with no firm reasoning ever given. It’s safe to assume that there were reasons, but this is typical of AFC, their concern is purely about themselves. This is seen in fixture planning (or blocking), the marketing in Kingston of the club, the removal of much of the Ks identity from Kingsmeadow and the destruction of the KRE (which was done with no consultation with Ks board). A microcosm of Wimbledon’s attitude is shown in the loss of the friendly between the two sides. This was agreed upon as part of the original deal, with Ks making money from it, however in recent years, as AFC’s profile has outgrown the need for such a goodwill gesture, the fixture has disappeared. Ultimately, AFC’s presence in Kingston means that the biggest losers from the MK Dons scandal are Kingstonian.

Perhaps you are thinking that this is entirely justified, surely any club’s priority should be themselves? But for Wimbledon, this is different, they embody more than a sodding club, they’re an idea, the last vestige of our heritage, a club whose existence was born out of a desire not to conform to the path football was taking. Because of this, it seems entirely reasonable to hold Wimbledon to a higher standard than the rest of the game. They ARE different, they are unique. Scrap that, they WERE different, they were unique.

They had the chance to restore localism to the game, but instead they’ve built a fanbase where perhaps a third have no connection to Wimbledon (old or new), their ideals have dissipated at the chance to make money and become fashionable, far from taking the game back to its roots, they’ve created a hipster club at the expense of the teams still rooted in their community that surround them.They’ve acted no differently than any other club in their situation would have, and that is exactly the problem.  Wimbledon are happy to be put on this pedestal by Sports Interactive, FourFourTwo and whoever else wants a piece of the action. Well, perhaps they need to justify their tag as the people’s clubs in their current actions, not just in their history. (Yes, yes, yes, they do things in the community, but MK Dons are streets ahead of them on that.) Until the pretence that Wimbledon are anything different to the rest of the game subsides it remains entirely justifiable to hold them to a loftier account than Carlisle or Northampton.

This isn’t a problem with AFC, this a problem with the monolith that football has turned into. Anything different, challenging, subversive is swallowed up and becomes part of the beast and turned into a marketing tool, just wait until Balotelli launches his own brand of PL-approved condoms. Football isn’t about community any more, it’s not about real hope, it’s not about anything real any more. It’s a pre-packaged escapism where you can buy the replica shirt on the way in and comply for 90 minutes, Wimbledon had the chance to do it differently, to re-imagine what that could look like. They had to chance to show concern for the wider game, to be something the game could rally around to dream again. Instead they conformed, they became part of the system. Their disregard for Ks history, home end and chance to thrive is telling. This week sees the death of a home end, but more than that, the death of AFC’s claims to offer anything different.

Jamie Cutteridge writes about Kingstonian, youth work and NFL and can be found on Twitter, here.

That odd yet glorious penalty shoot out in front of the KRE can be relived here.

Craven Cottage – Fulham v Swindon – FA Cup

While Simon was away gadding about the nether regions of the world, Damon continued to keep it real by … errrr … starting the year at a Premier League Ground! Tsk! We usually want the underdog to win but, having no real connection to Swindon, this time we had half an eye on the underdog getting their noses rubbed in it. Swindon surprised us with some good footy and we changed our minds. Nice branded plastic pints in an SS style at the Cottage!

Alwyns Lane – Chertsey v Whitley Bay – FA Vase

Back to reality and a ball gets blasted in to Tree Z. Our first proper foray into the FA Vase. Moneybags Chertsey couldn’t stretch to a special get-a-ball-out-of-a-tree-stick so someone resorted to using a thingamyjig. The natives sang songs about the north being a strange place, which upset Whitley Bay native Adele’s first non-league experience. It was tiresome after the first twenty minutes.

?????? – Ryman League

Great PA Systems of our time – a realfacup badge to anyone who can name the ground we visited on this derby day in February? And if you can name the PA then do get in touch! It was a sunny/rainy/windy/warm/cold day in winter/spring/summer. I fell over in the club bar and tipped beverage all over the shop. Missed the start of the second half, not for the last time this year. No link this time, you’ll have to find it for yourself! Mind you, we went to the reverse fixture on New Year’s Day, like just now.

Wembley – Cardiff v Blackpool – Championship Play Off Final

A sea of orange as we watched a bigger-than-usual underdog steamroller their way in to the Premier League. We played this one in classic realfacup style by joining the Tangerines for a few pre-match liveners in the sun. Cracking game topped off by the unforgettable sight of 30,000 baffled fans struggled to come to terms with what had just happened and what the win meant. Top class day out. We didn’t bother with a report for some reason but previewed here and also see the Mysterious Tangerine’s Postcard From The Premier League

Mill Road – Arundel v Hailsham – FA Cup

Sussex lino legend and Father Jack lookalike, Paul John, gets much love from therealfacup and local footy clubs. On another cool but sunny but wet but warm and wasp-riddled day, non-league tactics were ramped up a notch with the deployment of a libero. Worked a treat as well as Arundel marched through. Lots of wasps.

Gander Green Lane – Sutton v Staines – Pre-Season Friendly

Match sponsor? Boys footy bible for posters, Match Magazine! St Johns ambulance, thrilled with Sutton v Staines. Is it just us or does one of them look like Matt Lucas?

Cobham – The Running Mare – Pre-FA Cup

Ahh, the glory of metaphor. The rainbow signifies the proverbial pot of gold, of course. But what lies at the end of this rainbow? Why, it’s Chelsea’s Cobham training ground, of course. Perfect and poetic. Our destination? Just yards away at Mole Valley’s rudimentary but homely ground. Two worlds collide.

King George’s Field – Corinthian-Casuals v Lingfield – FA Cup

Non League in a nut shell at Corinthian-Casuals. One man? Check. His dog? Check. Any paying customers? Errr … just about. As well as four realfacupsters there were 56 others. How on earth do Corinthian Casuals survive?

Champion Hill – Dulwich Hamlet v Tonbridge – FA Cup.

The Wall lured Damon in at this game but it was a nervy affair for the Hamley faithful. Youth teamers tried to get in the photo. Beer by the touchline? I’ll have a cheeky pint please. Not the best afternoon for Dulwich.

The Bank Pub – Sutton

Ray Stubbs talks to inanimate objects. The FA Cup ponders a while. Errr, I don’t know where this is going. The Actual FA Cup meets therealfacup.

Hayes Lane – Cray Wanderers v South Park – FA Cup

therealfacup gets the death stare from the Cray Wanderers bench.Eek! We were a little perturbed. But we’re still here and there was only a small fence separating us from certain death. And it were on’t telly!

Imperial Fields – Tooting & Mitcham v Staines – FA Cup

It’s not a great time to be a Tooting fan but … this chap takes isolation to new levels. Did he smell? Santa chilling out? Nice rolly up troozaz. Smashing.

Margate – Margate v Kingstonian – FA Cup

Sunny Margate in September. This Kingstonian sub is messing with the head of a subbed team mate. Flick that window shut. Wait for it to be opened again. Flick window shut. Giggle.

Kingsmeadow – Kingstonian v Margate – FA Cup Replay

Oh my!  Tubby keeper + Burger hut can only mean one thing. Unkind photo composition. Margate’s nearly-hero Jamie Turner needs a thought cloud round that. Jamie had a blinder. He took some good-natured stick off the K’s fans then couldn’t quite keep out the required number of penalties. Although his team mates could have helped by actually scoring some.

Church Road – Hayes & Yeading v Wycombe – FA Cup

The thin lime green lime, I mean line. Hayes & Yeading get a crowd for the first time this season. Wycombe Wanderers turn up mob handed and old bill shows force.

Earlsmead – Harrow Boro v Chesterfield – FA Cup

Television glamour comes to therealfacup. Red-ish carpet! Actually a plastic mat. Ken Charlery deserved better. We deserved access to the VIP lounge, as did our cohorts for the day from twofootedtackle and lastseatontheplane. Tish.

Kingfield Stadium – Woking v Brighton – FA Cup Replay

Ahhh, now there are memories. Flares on the pitch. Lighting up the foggy evening sky. Woking v Brighton. And little Mo Taricco gets his first run out in some years. And sets up a goal. And got sent off. Thoroughly entertaining fayre.

Woking 2 Brighton 2 AET – Brighton win on pens.

Gander Green Lane – Sutton v Wealdstone – Ryman League

Ever wanted to see a Mascot in the crowd? Here’s Jenny The Giraffe at Sutton v Wealdstone. Oh – and we missed another goal!

See more of therealfacup’s pictures on our Facebook Page and our Picasa Page.

My local team is Dulwich Hamlet and, as is documented widely on this website, I have attended Champion Hill on a reasonably regular basis (although sadly, not this season as yet) in the last 3 years since moving to Brixton. The next closest ground is that of Tooting & Mitcham United, assuming you don’t count Crystal Palace. And I don’t. So, having allowed the other half of The Real FA Cup to run off for the weekend to spend his time jollying with fellow football bloggers at the seaside, I boarded the train to Mitcham to see if Tooting could repeat their thrilling exploits of last season. A 5-0 defeat at Stockport County ended The Terror’s FA Cup run last season but this season there was to be no upsets and no joy.

Tooting’s Imperial Fields stadium came well recommended and I was not disappointed to find a proper stadium, albeit attached to a Nu-Gym called The Hub. A spattering of picnic tables in the open space at the side of the pitch enabled me to gather my things and finish my lunch just in time for kick off. I furiously scribbled down the two teams as they were read out on the bone-shatteringly loud tannoy system (which had until that point been pumping out deafening dance music) and was curious to find that Staines were fielding a man whose name sounded like Walcott. My decision to allow my brother use of my season ticket at Arsenal for the day appeared to have caused a rupture in the space-time continuum and the diminutive superstar had clearly recovered from injury and somehow found himself turning out for the Blue Square South side rather than his regular paymasters.

As it turned out, this particular member of the Walcott dynasty was actually Jacob, signed on loan from Reading just over a week previously, but his impact on the game would turn out to be at least comparable to that of his slightly more famous cousin’s recent performances in an Arsenal shirt.

I had, of course, seen Tooting fairly recently when they beat Canvey Island 2-0 away from home and I was very impressed with what I saw that day. Virtually their entire playing staff (and management) has changed over the summer due to the ever-present issue of dwindling funds which football clubs around the country find themselves struggling to deal with, but an organised defensive unit won the day in Essex and they would need to be at their best here against a confident Staines side from a division further up the ladder.

Despite a very even opening to the game, however, it was Staines that scored first when a move down Tooting’s right hand side left Henry appealing for a foul rather than playing to the whistle, forcing the entire defence across the pitch and allowing midfielder Andre Scarlett to slot home unmarked from the right hand side. The elderly gentleman next to me had been regularly relaying information about the match to his son using his mobile phone and he immediately passed on the disappointing news, bemoaning the left back’s positioning.

The game was reasonably well balanced but Staines had the look of a side who had the opposition where they wanted them and their 4-3-3 formation was forcing Tooting’s more numerous midfield of 4 to help out in defence, all too often leading to Tooting breakaways lacking support further up the pitch. Striker Rob Howarth was struggling to control the ball well enough to keep possession for his team on the odd occasion when it did reach him and shots on goal were at a premium. By half time, the home side had only created one chance of note when a Williams shot from distance was parried into the path of Waldren by the Staines keeper but he was flagged offside and his subsequent shot was saved anyway.

It took me some time to make a decision as to where to watch the second half from – I had settled on a more elevated view from behind one of the two goals but which one? On the one hand, it would be great to be at the end at which any upset might occur but on the other, it really didn’t look like there was going to be any such upset. So I plumped for the end which by now was inhabited by the yellow and blue clad Staines fans and it turned out to be the right choice.

Ten minutes into the 2nd half, Tooting captain Waldren was once more flagged offside as he ran onto a through ball but his disappointment was greater this time as he’d managed to put the ball into the back of the net and his mood was not improved 7 minutes later when a defensive disaster at the other end handed Staines a second goal that no-one could have expected to come in such a way.

After a Staines winger found himself free on the left hand side,  he crossed for Walcott in the centre. His shot was blocked from close range by Hassan Nyang who had the simple task of fetching the slowly bouncing ball and taking it to safety. However he managed to stumble into it and shin it into his own net from 5 yards. Nyang was furious with himself and rightly so – there was no danger whatsoever until his untimely intervention. The goal appears to have been credited to Walcott in the end – possibly to save Nyang’s blushes as he had a good two or three touches before it hit the back of the net.

At 2-0, Tooting decided something needed to be done but, despite their efforts, they failed to get back into the game; Wells saved a Howarth shot after a precise through ball and a goalmouth scramble at a corner was thrashed over. Nothing was going right for those in stripes, Nyang in particular whose game got progressively worse after his catastrophic mistake and minutes later the contest was, to all intents and purposes, finished when Walcott chested the ball down and buried it in the Tooting net to make it 3-0 with 15 minutes to go.

Tooting gave themselves – or rather Staines gave them – a tiny sliver of a chance at a late rally when Staines defender Orlu managed to score an own goal of his own on a most peculiar afternoon of football but I must admit that I missed this one as it was around this time that the repeated text messages informing me of West Bromwich Albion goals at The Emirates Stadium started coming in thick and fast from my unfortunate brother.

I had been joined on the terrace by Chris Nee from Two Footed Tackle, who had begun his long trip home once the 3rd goal had gone in and he was just in time to see a Walcott classic; the younger, slightly larger-eared version of Theo volleying neatly over Butler for his hat-trick, capping a superb performance.

So no giant killings for Tooting this year and who knows how far Staines can go, especially with their well-connected new star, Walcott – a man who at one point appeared in Wikipedia back in 2008, only to be deleted by someone who calls themselves Nancy who thought that when the article was written “the writer did not include enough information to establish the the significance of the subject”. A few more performances like this and I think Nancy will have to reconsider.

“Support your local team!”, they said.

One of my local teams is Tooting & Mitcham United. Sadly, they were playing away at Canvey Island. So I cycled there.

It’s a fairly long way from Brixton to Canvey Island; forty-one miles, to be precise. But I have barely had a chance to do any cycling this summer so, after managing to limit wine consumption to a single bottle with my steak on Friday night, I set off at 10am with enthusiasm aplenty in the direction of Essex.

Surprisingly, despite my lack of exercise lately, I quite enjoyed the journey – the highlights being the Woolwich ferry (which I love) and standing in a field watching someone standing atop the wings of a biplane whilst it flew around the Essex countryside. One would hope that the person in question had agreed to the trip or his frantic waves as he swooped and dived over my head would have taken on an altogether more worrying air.

The lowlights were always going to include the portion of the journey which required me to mingle with two lanes of speeding traffic on the A13 but I was more surprised how low I felt as I cycled onto the Island of Canvey itself at the end of the trip.

After my 40 mile ride, all I wanted in the world was some food and a pint. I found a pub near to the ground and, noting the sign which pointed to the “Dining Area”, asked whether they served food. The man behind the bar stopped short of actually laughing at my suggestion but his reaction was, nevertheless, filled with amusement and disdain. I counted 5 Indian takeaways, 4 Chinese takeaways and 2 pubs in the town centre. All 9 takeaways were closed and the other pub only served food during the week so I had to accept an all day breakfast in a friendly cafe on the High Street, topped up with two chocolate muffins from the local bakery.

One of the things that attracted me to go to Canvey Island today was that I fancied a trip to the seaside – and boy is their ground near the sea! It would take one hell of punt to hit the ball far enough to reach the water but it’s not far. When I arrived, I left my bike locked to a lamppost and wandered the hundred yards or so to the sea wall behind the far goal to sit and watch tankers slowly make their way in and out of the Thames Estuary. It really is that close.

The ground itself is, like most of the island, below sea level and must be subject to some testing swirling winds in the winter. Today was always threatening to be a nice, sunny day but it never quite fulfilled it’s potential. There is a superb terrace behind one of the goals which creates a fantastic place from which to view the football. Erected (according to one of the stewards) around 8 years ago and paid for by former player and owner Jeff King when the team were in the conference, it really is something for the club to be proud of. The only complaint from the locals was that they thought the club should have made it half the width and put the other half behind the opposite end.

Former benefactor King was in attendance at the game and it was plain to see that him, and the impressive terrace behind the goal served to remind the locals of their heady days in the Conference a few years ago before he left to take over at Chelmsford , forcing Canvey to drop several divisions when the money ran out.

A swift look at the form book for this Ryman Premier fixture suggested that it would be a very even game. A single point separated them in the middle of the table and it seemed that maybe Tooting’s poor defensive record would prove their downfall if Canvey could create a few chances. The reality was very different.

Canvey started extremely brightly and created chance after chance early on, finding space down both channels to cross the ball and causing mayhem in the Tooting penalty area. Barring a shot from distance which was saved by Gulls’ keeper Russell, Canvey made all the running but, crucially, failed to find the net due to some poor finishing and some excellent defensive efforts from the away side. I simply lost count of the number of chances the home side had to open the scoring in the first quarter of the match. But, as football fans, we’ve seen it all before and inevitably, Canvey’s failure to finish would come back to haunt them.

Midway through the first half, Tooting striker Barry Stevens was carried off injured by a combination of their physio and their captain, Rob Howarth – to be replaced by Phil Williams. The resulting free kick was to provide Williams’ first touch as he headed the ball goalwards, only to see Russell palm the ball away. However, Williams’ second touch was altogether more rewarding as he tapped the rebound into the empty net and put Tooting into the lead.

The home fans were, understandably, disappointed. They’d controlled much of the game so far and created countless chances but the ball had only crossed the line once and it wasn’t at the right end, as far as they were concerned. Their disappointment would only grow as the half wore on as Tooting took heart from their surprise lead and looked much the better side leading up to half time. Tooting’s midfield were doing a much better job of covering the runs made by the Canvey full backs and stopping the constant crosses, thereby cutting off the supply for the Canvey forwards. In the latter stages of the half, Jamie Butler in the Tooting goal had precious little to occupy himself, save for tipping over a late effort just before half time.

During half time the stewards were wistfully recalling the day in December 2001 when Ray Stubbs and the BBC’s Match Of The Day team were on the island to witness the Gulls’ giant-killing act of knocking out Northampton in the 3rd Round. The scaffolding they used for their cameras still remains and tales of Stubbs and Lawro sharing a pint with the locals in the Corner Flag Bar were exchanged.

The second half saw Canvey demoralise their fans further by creating more chances but still failing to find the net and then conceding once more. Once again it was Phil Williams who was the provider after a mazy run but this time he couldn’t finish off his own handiwork and, once the keeper had reached out and finger-tipped the ball away from William’s boot, it fell to Howarth to slam the ball into the opposite corner and put Tooting two up.

The goal was followed by a flurry of Canvey corners which caused absolute chaos in the Tooting penalty area but the Tooting net was never really under threat and Tooting cantered to victory in the end, Canvey’s substitutes failing to make any impact as the game drifted to a close. As one of the home fans pointed out when King was replaced by Isa with 25 minutes to go “I think the interest level has just dropped”. It was a poor joke but it was the best of a bad bunch and it really did sum up the feeling around the ground as some fed up fans slouched off to get home early.

As the players left the pitch once the referee had put everyone out of their misery, there was only one man in a Tooting shirt who wasn’t smiling from ear to ear and whooping as he entered the dressing room and that was Barry Stevens, who left the field on crutches and may be out for some time. However, Williams looks to be an able deputy, despite the fact that he could have scored one or two more.

Speaking of injuries, by the time I managed to cycle home from Fenchurch Street my legs felt like I had actually played in the game myself!

I think I shall stay closer to home for the next Non League Day.

Picture, if you will, the photo on the front cover of Jeff Perkins’ ‘A Tale of Two Uniteds’. Jack Charlton. Less a footballer, more a post-war schoolboy confused by why his neighbour won’t give his ball back. Picture, again, if you will, this man below on the right. His name is Cashley and he’s a professional idiot.

This Saturday morning a collective male eyebrow was raised at the sight of the latest instalment of Cole’s world tour of faintly haggard bottle blondes. That Ashley chooses to shmoozes with this bevy of provincial hairdressers is perhaps indicative of his notorious lack of class. It is perhaps an example of the bullet-proof psyche modern footballers seem to have developed.

It would be pious to condemn Cole too much, we’re all fallible, he is simply one half of our example of the glorious contrasts in football. The life of a top footballer now is so at odds with Wor Jackie and, more pertinently today, the man pictured behind him, Sutton United’s Peter Drabwell.

Chelsea’s maverick sinistra is sorted, he has no worries, he is set for life, he can act with impunity in every sphere. Jack and Peter’s peers, on the other hand, were not so lucky. In their day a mistimed tackle or an unfortunate incident could so easily have seen serious injury, loss of career and loss of livelihood, even for well known professionals.

Football’s not the same, money runs football, it’s not a game anymore … yadda yadda yadda … Not more of this bleating about the state of the modern game? Well, no. We’ve just started reading the aforementioned book and it genuinely does bring a lump to your throat and shows the stark reality of how football has changed. The point being, we liked the sound of the book, it was FA Cup related and this weekend we had no cup football to view and our man at Sutton United was going to furnish us with a copy. So, we went to meet him and watch the U’s play Tooting & Mitcham.

Once in Mitcham we snuck into a local hovel to watch the sodom and gomorrah show on Sky Italia Tutti Bella dodgy live feed. Much to our amusement, Moyesyey was delivering a substitution masterclass to old Mr Injury Time and his bunch of ludicrants. Then we realised this meant Chelsea would win the league. Bollocks.

Leaving lager land we crossed the River Wandle with it’s picturesque riverbank houses and through the bankside trees appeared the impressive home of the Terrors. Imperial Fields is a cracking little stadium that T&M physio Denis Lawton told us was actually yet to be completed. Big plans are afoot here, another main stand is to go up facing the current one and the increasingly famous Bog End is to be expanded while the bog behind it is to be transformed into a 3G training pitch.

Our man from Sutton is Gerard Mills, or MIllsy as he first introduced himself to us via the conduit of the i.n.t.e.r.n.e.t. We tiptoed across the red carpet towards the centre circle where, with mic in hand, Millsy presented us with our golden, hand crafted copy of Jeff Perkins’ tome. We bowed, took our bounty with gratitude, held it aloft to the cheering crowd and retired to the edge of the impressive massed bank of away fans. This actually happened but is top secret, off-piste realfacup information so you probably won’t read about it elsewhere.

As this game kicked off Tooting & Mitcham and Sutton Utd were separated only by goal difference and the terrifying fractured line that separates the end of season play off lottery from another season in the same division.

With form, line ups and previous localish derbyish knowledge aquired from Millsy, we watched as Sutton tore into Tooting’s poor home form. The bulk of possession was yellow and bar one smartly saved counter attack, the early chances went the away side’s way.

Matt Hann was scythed down on the left, the ref played advantage and Gargan failed to connect 3 yards out. Should have been 1-0 Sutton but the hack also served to warm up the niggles. A few minutes later Quarm clipped a ball through the Terrors defence, Charlie Taylor ran on to it and Dave King tipped his shot round the post.

As the half hour approached and the hard but mostly fair challenges continued to fly, Tooting finally started getting in to the game. The wick turned up further when Tooting’s former Carshalton defender Colin ‘Mad Dog’ Hartburn and Sutton’s James Norwood started slapping each other. ‘Told you’ said Millsy, confirming his pre-match prediction that Hartburn would at least get booked and probably sent off.

A bit of even ebb and flow preceded the sucker punch the Sutton faithful had feared their lack of goals might bring when Simon Parker, a teacher by profession like Peter Drabwell, found himself in space on the right and slotted comfortably past Scriven.

Tooting & Mitcham 1 Sutton 0

Sutton had an instant chance to reply but Gargan again failed to convert Taylor’s lay off. Quarm got booked for a late tackle and it was half time. ’2-1′ said Millsy confidently as he sloped off to the boardroom and we ambled to the bar.

Nice bar. Limited booze. Certainly not the Hogs Back T.E.A advertised in the programme, were we in the right bar? MASSIVE Stellingvision on the wall. I fairly promptly tipped my generic lager on the floor. Twat. Got another. But at least Ipswich were winning. I wonder who will get the equaliser” quipped Ryan. The spillage made us late. The beer Hitlers wouldn’t let us out of the bar to watch the second half start so we watched from the door where we could see one penalty box. It was riveting. Four minutes of watching Scriven amble around his area. Blinding.

The second half was a corker. 58 mins – Ball over the top, looked like Hann was through, looked like Mad Dog caught him, second yellow, first red. Millsy spot on. Tooting down to ten.

The resultant free kick was played down the left, Norwood cut inside and took a tumble. It looked a blatant dive, the ref just waved play on. Paul Vines wasn’t happy and had a bit of a foot-stamping paddy in protest at the perceived dive. Nothing happened.

A man down and Tooting were getting worse. They were OK in the first half but ‘only by attrition’, Ryan pointed out. I actually thought they should glimpses of some nice play, they just look woefully shy of confidence. ‘The lino looks like a woman’ added Ryan, almost exactly as I was thinking exactly the same thing. It was the menopausal, short, grey hair gave it away.

It was fairly consistent pressure from Sutton now and I was looking for some arty photos and musing that Tooting were ‘actually defending quite well’ just as comedy defending presented Gargan with a half chance that he frapped into the corner.

Tooting & Mitcham 1 Sutton Utd 1

There was only going to be one winner. Mann haired down the right, burst into the box and was floored (above left). Stone wall, nailed on, definite penalty. Not according to hermaphralino. Not according to the whistler Eric Mackrell. Definitely something fishy about that decision. Sorry.

With time running out Gargan rapped the post with a chance easier than he’d scored but harder than he’d already missed. Millsy had a better view, he said it looked like it was going wide. A point gained for T&M, two points dropped for Sutton but the Gambians looked better equipped to make the play offs. Indeed, having written this while watching Manchester City .v. Liverpool bore the country to death, I have to wonder whether both of these non-league players are that much worse than their richer counterparts.

Cheers to Gerard for the book, we owe him a drink or two when we finally make it down to Gander Green Lane. We’ve only just got hold of Jeff Perkins book but from what we’ve read we recommend you get hold of one. We’d also like to thank Denis Lawton for his few words as we caught a cheeky tab by the dugout.

The Real FA Cup Awards 2010.

The Nominations Are: Click Link For All Polls

Best Player:
Sanchez Ming – Dulwich Hamlet
Marcel Jones – Enfield 1893
Ryan Ashe – Wealdstone
Jack King – Farnborough
Danny Forrest – Crawley
Danny Kedwell – AFC Wimbledon
Sam Duncum – Ilkeston

Best Game:
Broxbourne Borough V&E 1 Enfield 1893 4
Ashford Town (Mx) 2 Hendon 2 (9-8 on pens)
Farnborough 2 Hastings 1
Dartford 1 Chelmsford City 4
AFC Wimbledon 2 Crawley Town 1
Wealdstone 2 Rotherham 3

Best Ground: This one is not easy either.
Champion Hill – Dulwich Hamlet
Princes Park – Dartford
Beveree Stadium – Hampton & Richmond Borough

Most Helpful Club:
Wembley
Basildon United
Wealdstone
AFC Wimbledon
Sevenoaks

Team Of The Tournament:
Lowestoft Town
AFC Wimbledon
Tooting & Mitcham United
Aylesbury
Wealdstone
Enfield 1893
Forest Green

We’ve got our own ideas who should win but we want your suggestions too, we’ve been to lots of games but they are only a tiny fraction of games played.  So, leave comments here, email us at the address on the home page or Tweet us your opinion, we’ve already had a couple of suggestions …

Everton: Tweeter grandoldteam argued that the Toffees should win it “Because of our run last season (Liverpool, Villa, Man Utd en route…) only to fall at the last hurdle.” While we all would have fancied that being the actual result, it is still last season. Sorry, no.

Stoke City: Ilkeston Town fan @ilson_fan reasoned that the winners should be “Stoke. They beat York who beat Cambridge who beat the mighty Ilkeston so they must be REALLY good!”  That is compelling but we can’t have a Premier Lge team winning The Real FA Cup.

So what do we want you to bear in mind, who has been the nicest, most helpful club, who’s had the best team, scored the best goals, embodied the FA Cup spirit, had the best sense of humour, perhaps it was where you simply had the best day out, maybe it’s the team who has played the most games or got the furthest from where they started, or perhaps you think your local team should win?  Whichever of these is your reason, let us know and we’ll consider it.

Yes, we know that Forest Green are still in the Cup, we know there are some League 1 sides still in but they are going to have to go some to have the impact that some already have and, frankly, the mainstream coverage of the tournament is getting quite depressing. The Real has gone, hyperreal has arrived.  Obviously, we’re looking to our non-league followers to step up to the plate here but our short list is:

AFC Wimbledon | Aylesbury | Basildon Utd |Chelmsford City | Dartford | Lowestoft Town | Sutton Utd | Tooting & Mitcham | Wealdstone |

Who else should be on it – and why?