OK folks, this season’s Real FA Cup is officially over. Curtains. The last non-league side is out … and few genuinely small clubs remain, in fact only Notts County really, if they still exist when you read this. We’ll keep an eye on the rest of the tournoi, and might even comment, but that is essentially it for us for this season so it’s time to find out who this year’s winners are and celebrate the season that was.

Winning is most definitely relative in our world, of course, but who are this year’s FA Cup winners? Well, we are, AHHHHH, as you good, good people have ‘hit’ us nearly 18,000 times since August! 400 of you even follow our additional ramblings on Twitter. And 1200 of you took the time to vote in our polls over the course of the season (yes, we’re surprised at that amount too), although in this round of voting most of you appear to have been Wealdstone or Ilkeston fans. Ah well, such is the problem with online Polls.

We wish we had some rosettes, a stage and a guest speaker for this bit. If we did, our rosettes would be blue, our stage would be at salubrious music venue the Borderline and our guest speaker would be Dartford’s Camp Café Host (see Darts/Clarets match report) LINK HERE

Best Player: This was a fairly well populated category, a number of players have caught our wandering and fickle eye. Sanchez Ming of Dulwich Hamlet was our MoM against Sevenoaks, although clearly not his manager’s as he only made the bench for the replay. Marcel Jones of Enfield 1894 impressed us against Broxbourne with his dancing feet. Jack King of Farnborough, Ryan Ashe of Wealdstone and Danny Forrest of Crawley all impressed with, respectively, their style, passing and energy. Actually, all of them could also get the nod for their shooting and reading of the game. Sam Duncum of Ilkeston deserves more than a mention for scaring the bejaysus out of Cambridge defenders, even when his team were second best for large chunks of the game.

For us, however, Danny Kedwell of AFC Wimbledon probably put in the best all round shift that we saw during the Cup run, rarely does one man’s performance and effort epitomise a team’s but his did. However, Danny only came third in the online poll while the winner garnered 52% of the vote to second place Sam Duncum’s 39%. The winner scored two cracking goals against then League 2 high flyers Rotherham and we’re overjoyed to announce that Wealdstone playmaker and all round good guy, Ryan Ashe, is the 2010 Real FA Cup Player Of The Season!

Best Game: This wouldn’t have been easy for us to choose because we saw quite a few good games, to be fair. Enfield and Broxbourne gave us some great passing that belied their status in the pyramid. Ashford Town (Middx) and Hendon served up a corking finale and penalty shoot out. Farnborough and Hastings was a great summery day out and quite a battle. Dartford and Chelmsford was a funny, drunken day out but with the added bonus of a cracking game, loads of goals and a ridiculous missed sitter. The aforementioned Danny Kedwell served up a treat at Kingsmeadow where Crawley should have been 2 goals to the good but then got humped by ten man AFC in the second half.

But the award goes to the team who managed to mobilise the most fans to vote, again, we said cynically but with tongue in cheek. It was a very decent game, it had a good atmosphere, it had as many fans as you are likely to see down the Vale, it had some cracking goals, a cameraman perched on the roof and a sublime chip from Real FA Cup interviewee and Player Of The Season, Ryan Ashe. What more could you want? A cupset would have been nice but let’s not be picky. 2010 Real FA Cup Game Of The Season is Wealdstone 2 Rotherham 3.

A few more esoteric awards before we go on. Best Ice Cream goes to Farnborough, so big we took a photo of it and it’s become our most linked-to photo via Google!?!? Best Miss goes to Rob Edmans of Chelmsford City, so bad we devoted a whole article to it. Best Burger was at Wembley FC, so cheap we thought it was wrong – and it was served by the oldest couple we’ve ever seen working a football tea bar. Fair play to you folks. Weirdest question goes to the hooded chav in Dartford who asked us if we were actors. Oddly, one of us is.

Best Ground: We have loved Dulwich Hamlet’s main stand and massive bar for a couple of years now, we enjoyed the ambience and tradition of Hampton & Richmond Borough’s quaint and homely patchwork stands (not to mention its local boozers) and we were intrigued by the big ideas of Farnborough’s electronic scoreboard and massive new stand. We were also baffled by Sevenoaks’ strange see through fence and overlooking hill that rendered paying entry almost pointless for anyone wanting to watch the game. We did pay, though. We foolishly left in an ‘other’ option on this vote and feared an influx of Wealdstone fans might swing this one too but, no, only the enthusiastic Ilkestonites chose to big up their New Manor Ground. But it wasn’t enough.

As a model of how to go about building a new non-league ground, it is our opinion that you cannot get much better than a ground that provides basic shelter for proles and toffs alike, has an iconic piece of artwork, a quote from Big Ron, a decent bar and a good view. The ground might have been built with a bit of money but the club and architects did not just go for size, they also made sure it packed in some enviro cred and some decent aesthetics for the whole crowd. The winner, of course, is the much vaunted Princes Park, home of Dartford FC. This would have been our choice too so congrats.

That’s three quarters of the Polls catered for, only one left. But there are a few other mentions we think are deserved. These are not necessarily teams who we’ve seen but teams who have been talking points in the wider football community over the course of the early FA Cup rounds. Firstly, we have to mention Paulton Rovers. They got a fair way in glorious fashion before serving themselves up as fodder for the Canary revival. Staines deserve a mention for running Millwall close and Northwich similarly for slaying Charlton. Both these teams provided some mid season cheer for fans and pundits alike. A final thought for Ashford Town of Middlesex who not only suffered the agony of FA Cup penalty defeat to Hendon but also suffering another shoot out defeat only a week later, grim!

There were also quite a few teams who went a long way, in relative terms. A few managed to play in 4 or 5 rounds of the FA Cup and, although there are a few teams who could better that in the continuing FA Cup, the odds on Leeds or Southampton getting to the semi finals are, we would have thought, fairly slim. The eventual winner of the FA Cup will have played in 6 rounds and it is well worthwhile putting the 6 round achievement in context. Two teams have already done that so, in all ways but lifting the actual cup or beating the best teams in the country, heh, two teams have already ‘won’ the Cup. Lowestoft Town started in the Preliminary Round and got to the 1^st Round proper for the first time in 32 years, where they only just lost to Wrexham. Belying the notion that the Cup is dead, Lowestoft’s attendances outmuscled their league attendances in every round except the Preliminary Round, a stage they’ve passed in 6 of the last 7 seasons so maybe the fans are getting a bit laissez faire about it. In the 3rd qualifying round they tripled their average attendance and it was around double for most of the run!

Actually, Lowestoft share this magnificent honour with another team who played in 6 rounds but this team played in more games and also have the distinction of being the last team to get knocked out who started right from the very start in the Extra Preliminary Round. This team didn’t really endear themselves to us early on – and indeed us to them. Firstly, we got them confused with the Mighty Ducks, our honest, careless, preview mistake. SORRY. Then we laughed at their central defender who had a hilariously bandaged head before the game had even started. During the game they were dogged but unconvincing and got out of jail with a barely deserved late equaliser. We then bottled traversing the Chilterns and the Aylesbury Vale to get to the replay, which we still regret.

Aylesbury started the FA Cup at the same time we did, at the very start, and got to the heady heights of the 4^th Qualifying round, so we now have a soft spot for them. They got further than any other team except Lowestoft and played 9 (Nine) games, which is unlikely to be beaten in this year’s Cup. As much as any team in this tournament will win the cup, Aylesbury can perhaps quantitatively say, they have already.

Most Helpful Club: This is perhaps a wishy washy award but also a qualitative counterpoint to the quantitative win of Aylesbury. Our winners here are a very lowly side but, before we get to them, a special mention must go to Howard Krais and Wealdstone, Andy Walker and Wembley and AFC Wimbledon. But, for amusingly pandering to our burgeoning ego by describing us as ‘media partners’, and for being encouraging, helpful and generous, this accolade goes specifically to Martyn Guest. and Richard Mann but more generally to BASILDON UNITED!

I am, myself, going to vomit as I tell you that all these teams, fans and players are WINNERS of this year’s real FA Cup. [wipes bile from lips] It’s true though, all of these things mean the Cup is great. They involve, largely, experiences we could not have had at Premier or Championship games, nor, most likely, at League 1, 2 or Blue Square Premier games. However, objectively, we have noted, you have voted and, overall, your team of the tournament winners are:

1. Wealdstone 53%
2. Aylesbury 27%
3. Lowestoft Town 7%
4. Forest Green Rovers 4%

That is more or less it from us on the FA Cup for this season, the ingrates of the top two tiers can have their version of the Cup, the one they think is devalued, the one they have devalued, yet the one they think they own. We say ‘they’ but it is also ‘their’ fans and the hacks who do it down. It’s also us and other fans. We all seem to moan about viewing unglamorous ties, yet fans don’t turn up when Premier Lge plays Premier Lge. Even when there is an upset these days (Reading over Liverpool, Leeds over Man Utd), the media emphasis is always on the failings of the higher team, it is very rare that the achievement of the underdog is celebrated. It MUST be the failure of the ‘better’ team.

As self-righteous and pompous as that most obviously is, without the teams from the top two tiers the Cup would arguably be nothing. They are the teams that the non-league teams strive to face. However, what THEY constantly forget is that without the little teams the FA Cup is just the Carling Cup – and THEY wouldn’t want that now, would THEY? Without the big boys the FA Cup is just the FA Trophy or FA Vase and the little guys wouldn’t want that, would they?

We’ve got our own ideas who should win but we want your suggestions too, we’ve been to lots of games but they are only a tiny fraction of games played.  So, leave comments here, email us at the address on the home page or Tweet us your opinion, we’ve already had a couple of suggestions …

Everton: Tweeter grandoldteam argued that the Toffees should win it “Because of our run last season (Liverpool, Villa, Man Utd en route…) only to fall at the last hurdle.” While we all would have fancied that being the actual result, it is still last season. Sorry, no.

Stoke City: Ilkeston Town fan @ilson_fan reasoned that the winners should be “Stoke. They beat York who beat Cambridge who beat the mighty Ilkeston so they must be REALLY good!”  That is compelling but we can’t have a Premier Lge team winning The Real FA Cup.

So what do we want you to bear in mind, who has been the nicest, most helpful club, who’s had the best team, scored the best goals, embodied the FA Cup spirit, had the best sense of humour, perhaps it was where you simply had the best day out, maybe it’s the team who has played the most games or got the furthest from where they started, or perhaps you think your local team should win?  Whichever of these is your reason, let us know and we’ll consider it.

Yes, we know that Forest Green are still in the Cup, we know there are some League 1 sides still in but they are going to have to go some to have the impact that some already have and, frankly, the mainstream coverage of the tournament is getting quite depressing. The Real has gone, hyperreal has arrived.  Obviously, we’re looking to our non-league followers to step up to the plate here but our short list is:

AFC Wimbledon | Aylesbury | Basildon Utd |Chelmsford City | Dartford | Lowestoft Town | Sutton Utd | Tooting & Mitcham | Wealdstone |

Who else should be on it – and why?

There are famous examples, there are infamous examples, there’s your Ronnie Rosenthal, your Ryan Giggs and <insert your team’s worst ever missed sitter here> there’s your Marlon Harewood when on loan at Ipswich some years ago. Step forward Robert Edmans. [Just click on the photos to enlarge]

Last weekend we saw Chelmsford City beat Dartford in the FA Cup. They scored four but it should have, undoubtedly, been five. The one that got away was caught in all it’s glory by Simon and Matt so let’s have a look at it a bit closer. Above left we see the milliseconds after Edmans had rounded the keeper, found the goal gaping and side footed it … errr … goalwards. You can see the joy and elation etched on the faces of those directly behind the goal who think it’s going in. Even some to the left are lost in the moment of glory, however, you can see some fans further back and in line with the direction of the ball whose hands are not high and stretched wide, they are moving down to the top of their heads.

We’re not necessarily here to rip it out of Rob Edmans though, just seconds later he set up Chelmsford’s last goal with a beautiful cross, but these photos seem to capture more than the miss. These photos capture the moments immediately before and after the miss and they display the plethora of emotions through which players and fans alike go during each and every match. These photos, as much as any do, show exactly what football means to people and the range of emotions also belies the theory that football supporters are a homogenous, stereotypical mass.

In the next photo (above right) you can see Edmans has sunk to his knees as it dawns that the ball might not nestle in the onion sack. The inverse Mexican wave on the terrace has now spread from left all the way across, as hands come down to heads from above. Some of the fans are starting to express anger, some despair, some disbelief and some, perhaps the sharper or less passionate fans, are already wetting themselves with laughter, safe in the knowledge they are 3-1 up with 2 minutes left. This gamut of emotions is what makes football great, so wide in just one tiny fraction of a football match.

In the next photo (left) the majority of the fans have seen the funny side, they have realised they’ve just seen a bad miss but know it shouldn’t cost them. Still though, some are furious. The keeper is glancing to the bench with a hint of mirth and a smidge of relief but Edmans is still stuck in time, internally replaying the shot over and over and, almost certainly, wondering how he missed.

And now (right) it’s all sinking in for the rest in the scene, Edmans is still on his knees, still lost in a long moment of contemplation. Behind him, the keeper is perhaps now baffled, a gallic shrug belying his emotions but is the gesture expressing disbelief that Edmans missed or is it enquiring what his defence were doing to let him through in the first place. The player in the foreground, no17 Matt Lock, covers his mouth as if to force himself not to shout disbelief at his team mate. Similarly, Antonio Murray, no9, has turned away as if to pretend it never happened and even the Dartford outfield player has adopted the ‘speak no evil’ pose of a man not wishing to intrude on private grief.

And for last we save perhaps the best. Edmans has now given up his inner fight and is prostrate on the floor, accepting that he has in fact somehow missed that. The four fans pictured show the range of emotions, from disgust on the left to a wry smirk to hilarity to disbelief on the right.

So, a big sorry to Rob Edmans for featuring his miss, we hope he forgives us. Our interest was less in his misfortune and more to do with the various captured ways he and his fellow professionals affect us fans. This is a stark example but these emotions run through us every minute of every game to greater or lesser degrees. Even neutrals.

We’re no psychologists and we know photos like this appear quite regularly but we thought they photos said something, even if we aren’t entirely sure what that is, and wanted to share them with you. And we’ll leave you with this final photo, feel the joy. A big thanks to the players and fans of both Dartford and Chelmsford City for making our day, it perhaps wasn’t the best game we’ll see but it was one of the best days out we’ve had.

Damon

We had been led to believe, by people who should know better, that Dartford was a chav hell hole. Rubbish. A chav hell hole does not deliver three quality boozers, a cafe with a young ‘host’ more at home in Madame Jo Jo’s or Brechtian discussions with the local youths?! This is a town with apparent diversity in its sense of self and a slightly tenacious attitude to make things better.

It fits, therefore, that the local council have essentially given the football team superb eco-ground (left) that is Princes Park. A wooden man (below right) holds aloft the roof of not only the north facing stand but, as it is a continuous oval wooden lid, effectively the whole ground.

Given the size of the ground (allegedly 4,000 capacity) the bar is dwarfed by Dulwich Hamlet’s behemoth of alcohol but it’s nice enough, if a little soulless.

As we suggested in our preview, this match was eagerly anticipated and would be very close. Correct on both counts, except the scoreline probably flattered Chelmsford a little.

This game mirrored, almost exactly, the game we saw at the 4th Qualifying Round stage last season, AFC Wimbledon 1 Wycombe W 4. A very similar pattern of play, not much happened during the even start, the higher team the more clinical with the few chances they had, the home side coming into it in the second half but getting suckered on the break at inopportune moments.

The main difference between these teams was that Chelmsford had a very solid defence that gave little away and they had goal poachers in abundance, with one glaring exception.

Before we ventured forth we sought fortification first from Shepherd Neame and then from the correctly titled All Day Cafe. The cafe was rammed to the gills and bubbling with atmosphere. It was either going ot be cheap, good or cheap and good.

There was a hubbub in the middle of the cafe, the waiter was rooting around in some woman’s bag. He had found a white polka dot bikini and he asked the diners if he should try it on. “YES” was the response, so he did, and catwalked up and down the caff from door to kitchen. It has to be said, this was not what we were expecting from Dartford.

The Dartford fans were equally as loud, often enquiring if they could knock out a tune for their opposite numbers. We did wonder if the Dartford fans were hard of hearing because the Clarets fans were making some noise too. In beautifully arrogant style, as we all down in these situations, the Darts fans reminded the crowd that they were top of the league but this game was a wake up call.

In the first half, there were four shots of note and one header. The opening goal came from a corner, Murray (celebrating, left) taking two shots to score after the ball fell to him in the 6 yard box. The third shot resulted in the Dartford keeper tipping over a free kick and the fourth saw the Clarets go in at the break 2 nil up, Ricky Holmes shooting neatly in to the corner from the edge of the box.

The first half of the second half was almost entirely Dartford but they had very few sightings of goal. Chelmsford got a free kick about 25 yards out and Dave Rainford swept it over the wall and in to the corner. 3-0. Clinical. “3 nil and you still won’t sing”, sing the Darts fans. “Top of the league, you’re having a laugh” retort the Claret faithful. It was fair comment, bar one draw, Dartford have won all of their league games this season but, on this evidence, they are going to have to up their game somewhat if they are to compete in the league above.

The ref was very indecisive, there were 3 or 4 drop balls in this game for no apparent reason. You very rarely even see one and the crowd amusingly started shouting for them at every stoppage.

With around 15 left Dartford did finally get a great chance to get back in the game but Tait blasted over from 4 yards. With 10 to go they get another chance but May headed wide when well placed.  They also smacked the woodwork. We thought that was probably it but then Dartford got a freekick and captain Flanagan sneaked in to plant one firmly past the keeper.

Game on? The Darts fans thought so, “Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy” they went. Chelmsford threatened to pop the optimism when the Dartford keeper made a hash of edge-of-the-box control and Chelmsford’s own ‘Crouchy’ found himself on the penalty spot with the keeper on the floor behind him and no defenders within 20 yards. He sidefooted the ball a foot past the post. The crowd were incredulous, that was probably the worst miss any of us has ever seen.

Seconds later ‘Crouchy’ does some twinkle toes down the left and crossed perfectly for Murray to touch home. ‘Crouchy’s’ miss was somewhat special, so much so that we’re going to devote a whole story to him. And apologies, ‘Crouchy’ is in real life Robert Edmans and he had a tidy game otherwise.

Dartford 1 Chelmsford City 4

Overall not the greatest game of FA Cup football but a fair bit of interest, incident and 5 goals so what more could you ask for? We retired to the Stage Door foor a few and were accosted by a hooded youth in the beer garden. Was the Dartford experience about to take the type of turn we were led to expect? The youth enquired if we were involved with the next door theatre and informed us of his involvement in a production of ‘The Resistable Rise of Arturo Ui’. Nope, we weren’t expecting that either.

We gave you the chance to send us further afield and you adventurous folk well and truly took it, huh! Literally to the edge of London we must venture, towards a massive great bridge! Or tunnel, depending which way you’re travelling.

The visitors, Chelmsford, are a league, if not currently a class, above. Minor interest point sees former Ipswich and Hibs player Antonio Murray lining up for the Blue Square South side after failing to get (or perhaps turning down) a new contract with top flight new boys Histon.

Chelmsford’s emphatic result in the previous round was sandwiched between two league defeats that have cost the ambitious clarets quite dearly and they now find themselves languishing in mid table, well off the pace they kept up for so long last season.

The home team on the other hand can do no wrong. The last time Dartford failed to win a league game it was still August. They’ve won their last five and have 28 points out of a possible 30 overall, which means they top the league by some distance. In the close season, Dartford signed a a player we saw several times at Dulwich last year, Jamie Coyle, and former Gooner, Jamie Day, who left Highbury to join Bournemeouth and now finds himself sliding down the leagues.

This may not be quite the biggest name clash in this round of the FA Cup but it’s one of the most eagerly anticipated and it’ going to be one where a bit of an upset is possible. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if the bookies have this one quite evenly poised.

35/40mins from London Bridge and the below link looks handily placed between station and ground …

http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/67/6757/Malt_Shovel/Dartford