Cray Wanderers 1 – 2 Dartford

This won’t go down as a great or bad game, it also won’t go down as an upset.  Those two things put this tie firmly in ‘mid table’ as far as therealfacup is concerned. Plucky underdog plays the better football, which Cray did; the more organised side, Dartford, picked them off.  Result as expected after early promise.

That pattern is very common and, perhaps, not unsurprising. After three and a half years, though, we really haven’t seen many shocks, which is a shame – but illustrates their rarity and emphasises the joy when they do happen. More of a shame was watching several players throwing themselves to the floor at the drop of a feather. We were looking for refreshment following the tedium of watching Gerrard, Adam and, of course, Suarez throwing themselves to the floor when anywhere near the United penalty area but we didn’t get it.

Refreshment did come in the form of some vibrant running, swift one-touch passing and movement from the home side that belied their status a league below the Darts. They lacked the final ball to really punish the Blue Square Bet South side but they certainly had the best of an engaging opening half hour.

First though, to the pub. The Bricklayers is becoming a bit of a regular haunt and we had to fight our way to the bar through a gaggle of bloody hangers on and fan boys. Well, no, actually it was The Mysterious Tangerine’s 30th birthday, eschewing a trip to Upton Park to watch his Blackpudlians, and a few hardy footy types had joined us for the game, including Two Footed Tackle’s Gary Andrews.

Dartford have come a fair way since we saw them battered by Chelmsford in the FA Cup two seasons ago. They played very well in that game, despite what the scoreline suggests, indeed they probably played better in that 4-1 defeat than in this 2-1 win. What’s changed is organisation and efficiency, they now have it in abundance. In Sheringham they have an able fulcrum around which the late arriving midfielders can work.  Although, at the game there were rumours of an approach by Bournemouth, rumours that were this morning confirmed. Sheringham’s last notable contribution to the Darts was a booking for what appeared to be diving (Ed – not entirely sure about though]

Cray deservedly took the lead when Jack Clark swerved in from halfway on the left, jinked past, seemingly, about 15 players, saw his shot saved and then watched as Whitnell bundled it in. It was no more than they deserved and that kind of run was the only way they were going to get through a sturdy Dartford backline.  The goal prompted a rather dismal 15 minutes of both teams hopefully punting the ball upfield, across field and out of defence, the home side in increasing desperation to fend off attacks, the away side in the mistaken belief that direct = goal.

In the last 20 minutes the Darts won a game they perhaps should have lost, thanks to that organisation, a little slice of luck and a bit of persistence. A free kick 40 yards out was swept into the box, the keeper came to claim but was baulked by about six players, some his team-mates but mostly Dartford players and the ball sailed past him and into the net.  He looked to have been fouled, such events normally lead to one. He certainly thought he was and so did the Cray bench, who imploded.

Dartford sub Danny Harris compounded the misery with a weak shot that took a deflection and nestled, the keeper wrong footed. Cray manager Ian Jenkins was sent off for his continual, angry protestations and he was made to make the lonely walk across the pitch to the main stand.

Cray had been suckered, we felt a little deflated. But not too much. We were led to believe that the last round, two weeks ago, marked the end of summer. An early autumnal heatwave that left skin pink and eyes weary then gave way to 14 days of cold greyness.

But, no, summer’s death throes carried on until yesterday, although crisper than two weeks ago the skies were again cloudless and Hayes Lane’s beautiful green pitch was accessorised with an ice cream van. Five yards from the side of the pitch it was a glorious view of non-league football, it’s just a shame that the huge queue snaking past it was for the burger van and not for ices, wafers or lollipops.  Between us we scoffed a handful of screwballs a number of oysters and several ice creams.  Oysters, eh? Never come across them before?  Me neither.  A wafer shell stuffed with cream and ice cream and embellised with a crust of chocolate and a sprinkle of desecrated coconut. Nom.

Cray are well placed to join Dartford in Blue Square Bet South next season but, ultimately, our search for a cup shock goes on.

FA Cup Third Qualifying round time again and the players and officials of every team can be forgiven if their thoughts start to turn to the ‘propers’.  Win this game and they are 90 minutes away from that chance to draw a fallen giant *cough* Sheffield Wednesday or even a big local league side. The words ‘spinner’ and ‘money’ must also spring to mind for the officials, the words ‘TV’ and ‘live’ for the players.

We’re a whore for the underdog here so, in a rare moment of madness, we’ve decided to take a break and have a look at the big lads at this level. Who are the teams with FA Cup previous, who will the league clubs want to get a taste of their own giant killing medicine, if that’s not a contradiction in terms?

Lancaster City.v. FC Halifax
There have been fairly regular trips to the propers for City and in fact they were prevented from adding another journey by no other side than Halifax (Town) themselves, in 4th Qualifying in 1994.  On one of the occasions they did manage it, in 1972, they lost 2-1 to Notts Co in Round 2.  As Halifax Town, the Shaymen got to the 5^th Round in 1952/53, losing 3-0 to Spurs but having beaten Stoke and Swansea on the way.  They famously beat a troubled WBA in Round 1 in 1993 and, more amusingly, a less troubled Man City 1-0 in Round 3 in 1979/80.

Whitby Town .v. Blyth Spartans
This fixture has happened twice before – in 1967/68 in the 2nd Qualifying Round Whitby won 2-1 and in 1996/97 by the same margin for a place in the propers. When there they drew 0-0 with Hull City which didn’t really set up expectation for the replay, which featured a whopping twelve goals, finishing 8-4 to Hull.  Whitby beat the aforementioned Halifax 1-0 in Round 1 in 1983/84 before losing 1-0 to Wigan.

Given Blyth Spartans are one of the great giant killers in FA Cup history, you have to wonder how Whitby managed to twice beat them. They’ve got to the propers on numerous occasions and in 1977/78 equalled a non league record and got to the 5^th round. On the way they beat Chesterfield and Stoke before drawing 1-1 with Wrexham. The replay was put centre stage at St James’ Park Newcastle and Wrexham squeaked through 2-1.

The 5^th Round is the joint furthest a non league side has got in the modern era and the draw with Wrexham made Spartans the first one to make it into the Round 6 hat. Most recently they played Blackburn in Round 3 but probably the most notable thing about Blyth’s cup exploits is that, regardless of opposition, they’ve rarely been thumped by the bigger boys, even in defeat the games have been close and they’ve often taken teams to replays.

Cray Wanderers .v. Dartford
This one is a bit of a derby, despite Cray being based in Bromley at the moment. And, despite being one of the oldest clubs in the world, Cray’s FA Cup record is virtually non existent. 4th Qualifying round the best. Dartford of Blue Square South are almost non league mainstays in the competition, making the propers over 30 times. Despite the disparity in records, given the regional nature of the early rounds and the proximity of the clubs, it means this is the 4^th meeting in the FA Cup and the previous three happened within four seasons between 1960-64. Dartford took the first 5-4, Cray won the second 1-0 and Dartford thumped Cray 5-0 in the most recent.

Hyde .v. Bradford Park Avenue.
1956/57 will long be remembered by those fans of Hyde still alive to tell the tale.  It was a festival of goals. They played 10 FA Cup games that season, both they and the opposition scored in every game, there was at least 5 goals in every game, 71 in total and an average of 7 per tie.  Three of the ten games ended in 4-4 draws, two of those against Stalybridge Celtic alone.

(Kind of) Like Halifax, Bradford Park Avenue are the odd team out in this round, on account of them being a professional league side until 1970 and having finished 9th in the top flight on one occasion.  Consequently, their best-in-article Quarter Final appearances are less surprising than everyone else’s achievements.  However, their greatest Cup successes were when they were in the old Division 2.  In 1919/20 they lost 4-1 to Chelsea in the QF after beating Forest 3-0 and Notts Co 4-3. They beat Everton in 1923/23 and again got to the quarters in 1945/46 but lost 6-0 to Brum after a 2-2 draw at home. They returned to propers in 2003/04 but got humped 5-1 by Bristol City.

Slough Town .v. Hanworth Villa
They’ve fallen on hard times and they’ve been on here a few times this season but, once, Slough Town were a force. They’ve knocked out Wycombe, Walsall and Millwall and taken Cardiff, Orient, Reading and Macclesfield to replays. In contrast Hanworth Villa are in their inaugural FA Cup season and, with patronisation not intended, they’ve already done superbly well to get this far.

Hednesford Town .v. Corby
In the halcyon days of the mid/late 90s, Hednesford were a notorious Cup side, remember their famous, epic 3-2 loss to Middlesbrough in 1996/97?  They got to at least the 1^st round for the next four seasons too.  Corby themselves had a healthy Cup record in the post war years, culminating in a Round 2 replay victory over Luton in 1965/66.  Hednesford won the only FA Cup meeting between the sides, 3-1, in 1995/96.

Solihull Moors .v. Grantham Town
This could be a record at this stage … Grantham’s first ever FA Cup game was against Clapham Rovers in 1877. One hundred and thirty four years ago. We weren’t even alive then. They lost either 1-0 or 2-0 depending on who you believe, Rovers say 2, the Gingerbreads say 1. Who knows?  Since then they’ve accounted for Bradford Park Avenue, when they were good, and they also despatched Stockport and Rochdale between the mid 60s and 70s when they got to the propers 9 times in eleven years.

Billericay Town .v. Leatherhead
Billericay will be one of the more annoyed non league sides in the FA Cup.  They’ve twice got to the propers and twice drawn non league sides. No glory tie for them. They also lost both times. Doh!  Leatherhead are right up there with the giants though. In 1974/75 they got to Round 4 beating Brighton and Colchester before facing Leicester at Filbert Street. The tanners were even 2-0 up at one point but got pegged back to lose 3-2.  They got to the propers 6 times in 7 years after that.

Lowestoft Town .v. Chelmsford
Not really quite a derby but this one’s one of the hottest tickets of the round.  Town got to the propers twice in the 60s losing to Leyton Orient and Watford by just one goal. They managed the same in the 70s against Cambridge and recently aginst Wrexham. Like their Blue Square South foes Dartford, Chelmsford City have been regular toe-treaders in the FA Cup over the years. They  got to Round 4 in 1938/39 beating Darlington and Southampton.

Maldon & Tiptree .v. Hendon
Only recently merged neither Maldon nor Tiptree have done much in the FA Cup as a unit or individually. Hendon on the other hand are from the same semi-pro minefield as Chelmsford and Dartford. The Greens famously held Newcastle to a 1-1 draw at St James in Round 3 in 1973/74 and beat Reading 2 years later and Leyton Orient in 1997/98. Not only that but the club’s now sadly forgotten Claremont Road ground was opened to some fanfare for an FA Cup tie and provided the backdrop for Hendon’s largest attendance, 9000 against Northampton in the FA Cup.

Stourbridge .v. Evesham United
For a team that first entered the FA Cup in 1896 and has entered nearly 70 times, Stourbridge only managed to get past the fourth qualifying round two years ago when they drew near neighbours Walsall. They lost 1-0 but over 2000 people turned up to watch for the first time in over 30 years. It’s a similar story for Evesham, although they hadn’t quite been trying for as long and managed it a year earlier, losing 2-0 to Torquay. The two teams have met before, though, in 1995/96 when Evesham won 3-0 after a replay.

Nantwich Town .v. Kendal Town
Nantwich have only managed this stage before, so could be on the verge of greatness.  Kendal, though, were relative regulars in the first round proper (as Netherfield) between the 40s and 60s and twice got to the second round, including their record attendance versus Grimsby of 5184.  But we’ve included them here for their what-doesn’t-kill-you-makes-you-stronger attitude.  In 1980/81 before the stupid (or kind, as Kendal might be more apt to say) abolition of multiple replays, they managed a whopping 6 replays against Bridlington Trinity in the FA Trophy, which nearly killed them.  The postponed games and rearrangements cost them £1800 and they had to drop down a league the following season. Won’t happen this year though. Phew.

Sutton United .v. Bognor Regis Town
Still the last non league team to dump a top flight side out of the FA Cup.  And they were the current holders to boot. Much has been written about Sutton’s win over Coventry in 1988, my god even we’ve had a bash.  Bognor Regis are not short of giant killing themselves, in their heyday of the mid/late 80s they got to Round 1 five times, beating Swansea and Exeter along the way.

This is by no means an exhaustive list so if your team is in the hat, not on this page but has got some form in the propers, please feel free to add a comment. We could go on, of course, Dover were one of our teams of the season last year and don’t get a mention, but we can sense you nodding off … so [end].

With thanks to the superb Football Club History Database. Someone please keep this going and update, if only we had time …

OK folks, this season’s Real FA Cup is officially over. Curtains. The last non-league side is out … and few genuinely small clubs remain, in fact only Notts County really, if they still exist when you read this. We’ll keep an eye on the rest of the tournoi, and might even comment, but that is essentially it for us for this season so it’s time to find out who this year’s winners are and celebrate the season that was.

Winning is most definitely relative in our world, of course, but who are this year’s FA Cup winners? Well, we are, AHHHHH, as you good, good people have ‘hit’ us nearly 18,000 times since August! 400 of you even follow our additional ramblings on Twitter. And 1200 of you took the time to vote in our polls over the course of the season (yes, we’re surprised at that amount too), although in this round of voting most of you appear to have been Wealdstone or Ilkeston fans. Ah well, such is the problem with online Polls.

We wish we had some rosettes, a stage and a guest speaker for this bit. If we did, our rosettes would be blue, our stage would be at salubrious music venue the Borderline and our guest speaker would be Dartford’s Camp Café Host (see Darts/Clarets match report) LINK HERE

Best Player: This was a fairly well populated category, a number of players have caught our wandering and fickle eye. Sanchez Ming of Dulwich Hamlet was our MoM against Sevenoaks, although clearly not his manager’s as he only made the bench for the replay. Marcel Jones of Enfield 1894 impressed us against Broxbourne with his dancing feet. Jack King of Farnborough, Ryan Ashe of Wealdstone and Danny Forrest of Crawley all impressed with, respectively, their style, passing and energy. Actually, all of them could also get the nod for their shooting and reading of the game. Sam Duncum of Ilkeston deserves more than a mention for scaring the bejaysus out of Cambridge defenders, even when his team were second best for large chunks of the game.

For us, however, Danny Kedwell of AFC Wimbledon probably put in the best all round shift that we saw during the Cup run, rarely does one man’s performance and effort epitomise a team’s but his did. However, Danny only came third in the online poll while the winner garnered 52% of the vote to second place Sam Duncum’s 39%. The winner scored two cracking goals against then League 2 high flyers Rotherham and we’re overjoyed to announce that Wealdstone playmaker and all round good guy, Ryan Ashe, is the 2010 Real FA Cup Player Of The Season!

Best Game: This wouldn’t have been easy for us to choose because we saw quite a few good games, to be fair. Enfield and Broxbourne gave us some great passing that belied their status in the pyramid. Ashford Town (Middx) and Hendon served up a corking finale and penalty shoot out. Farnborough and Hastings was a great summery day out and quite a battle. Dartford and Chelmsford was a funny, drunken day out but with the added bonus of a cracking game, loads of goals and a ridiculous missed sitter. The aforementioned Danny Kedwell served up a treat at Kingsmeadow where Crawley should have been 2 goals to the good but then got humped by ten man AFC in the second half.

But the award goes to the team who managed to mobilise the most fans to vote, again, we said cynically but with tongue in cheek. It was a very decent game, it had a good atmosphere, it had as many fans as you are likely to see down the Vale, it had some cracking goals, a cameraman perched on the roof and a sublime chip from Real FA Cup interviewee and Player Of The Season, Ryan Ashe. What more could you want? A cupset would have been nice but let’s not be picky. 2010 Real FA Cup Game Of The Season is Wealdstone 2 Rotherham 3.

A few more esoteric awards before we go on. Best Ice Cream goes to Farnborough, so big we took a photo of it and it’s become our most linked-to photo via Google!?!? Best Miss goes to Rob Edmans of Chelmsford City, so bad we devoted a whole article to it. Best Burger was at Wembley FC, so cheap we thought it was wrong – and it was served by the oldest couple we’ve ever seen working a football tea bar. Fair play to you folks. Weirdest question goes to the hooded chav in Dartford who asked us if we were actors. Oddly, one of us is.

Best Ground: We have loved Dulwich Hamlet’s main stand and massive bar for a couple of years now, we enjoyed the ambience and tradition of Hampton & Richmond Borough’s quaint and homely patchwork stands (not to mention its local boozers) and we were intrigued by the big ideas of Farnborough’s electronic scoreboard and massive new stand. We were also baffled by Sevenoaks’ strange see through fence and overlooking hill that rendered paying entry almost pointless for anyone wanting to watch the game. We did pay, though. We foolishly left in an ‘other’ option on this vote and feared an influx of Wealdstone fans might swing this one too but, no, only the enthusiastic Ilkestonites chose to big up their New Manor Ground. But it wasn’t enough.

As a model of how to go about building a new non-league ground, it is our opinion that you cannot get much better than a ground that provides basic shelter for proles and toffs alike, has an iconic piece of artwork, a quote from Big Ron, a decent bar and a good view. The ground might have been built with a bit of money but the club and architects did not just go for size, they also made sure it packed in some enviro cred and some decent aesthetics for the whole crowd. The winner, of course, is the much vaunted Princes Park, home of Dartford FC. This would have been our choice too so congrats.

That’s three quarters of the Polls catered for, only one left. But there are a few other mentions we think are deserved. These are not necessarily teams who we’ve seen but teams who have been talking points in the wider football community over the course of the early FA Cup rounds. Firstly, we have to mention Paulton Rovers. They got a fair way in glorious fashion before serving themselves up as fodder for the Canary revival. Staines deserve a mention for running Millwall close and Northwich similarly for slaying Charlton. Both these teams provided some mid season cheer for fans and pundits alike. A final thought for Ashford Town of Middlesex who not only suffered the agony of FA Cup penalty defeat to Hendon but also suffering another shoot out defeat only a week later, grim!

There were also quite a few teams who went a long way, in relative terms. A few managed to play in 4 or 5 rounds of the FA Cup and, although there are a few teams who could better that in the continuing FA Cup, the odds on Leeds or Southampton getting to the semi finals are, we would have thought, fairly slim. The eventual winner of the FA Cup will have played in 6 rounds and it is well worthwhile putting the 6 round achievement in context. Two teams have already done that so, in all ways but lifting the actual cup or beating the best teams in the country, heh, two teams have already ‘won’ the Cup. Lowestoft Town started in the Preliminary Round and got to the 1^st Round proper for the first time in 32 years, where they only just lost to Wrexham. Belying the notion that the Cup is dead, Lowestoft’s attendances outmuscled their league attendances in every round except the Preliminary Round, a stage they’ve passed in 6 of the last 7 seasons so maybe the fans are getting a bit laissez faire about it. In the 3rd qualifying round they tripled their average attendance and it was around double for most of the run!

Actually, Lowestoft share this magnificent honour with another team who played in 6 rounds but this team played in more games and also have the distinction of being the last team to get knocked out who started right from the very start in the Extra Preliminary Round. This team didn’t really endear themselves to us early on – and indeed us to them. Firstly, we got them confused with the Mighty Ducks, our honest, careless, preview mistake. SORRY. Then we laughed at their central defender who had a hilariously bandaged head before the game had even started. During the game they were dogged but unconvincing and got out of jail with a barely deserved late equaliser. We then bottled traversing the Chilterns and the Aylesbury Vale to get to the replay, which we still regret.

Aylesbury started the FA Cup at the same time we did, at the very start, and got to the heady heights of the 4^th Qualifying round, so we now have a soft spot for them. They got further than any other team except Lowestoft and played 9 (Nine) games, which is unlikely to be beaten in this year’s Cup. As much as any team in this tournament will win the cup, Aylesbury can perhaps quantitatively say, they have already.

Most Helpful Club: This is perhaps a wishy washy award but also a qualitative counterpoint to the quantitative win of Aylesbury. Our winners here are a very lowly side but, before we get to them, a special mention must go to Howard Krais and Wealdstone, Andy Walker and Wembley and AFC Wimbledon. But, for amusingly pandering to our burgeoning ego by describing us as ‘media partners’, and for being encouraging, helpful and generous, this accolade goes specifically to Martyn Guest. and Richard Mann but more generally to BASILDON UNITED!

I am, myself, going to vomit as I tell you that all these teams, fans and players are WINNERS of this year’s real FA Cup. [wipes bile from lips] It’s true though, all of these things mean the Cup is great. They involve, largely, experiences we could not have had at Premier or Championship games, nor, most likely, at League 1, 2 or Blue Square Premier games. However, objectively, we have noted, you have voted and, overall, your team of the tournament winners are:

1. Wealdstone 53%
2. Aylesbury 27%
3. Lowestoft Town 7%
4. Forest Green Rovers 4%

That is more or less it from us on the FA Cup for this season, the ingrates of the top two tiers can have their version of the Cup, the one they think is devalued, the one they have devalued, yet the one they think they own. We say ‘they’ but it is also ‘their’ fans and the hacks who do it down. It’s also us and other fans. We all seem to moan about viewing unglamorous ties, yet fans don’t turn up when Premier Lge plays Premier Lge. Even when there is an upset these days (Reading over Liverpool, Leeds over Man Utd), the media emphasis is always on the failings of the higher team, it is very rare that the achievement of the underdog is celebrated. It MUST be the failure of the ‘better’ team.

As self-righteous and pompous as that most obviously is, without the teams from the top two tiers the Cup would arguably be nothing. They are the teams that the non-league teams strive to face. However, what THEY constantly forget is that without the little teams the FA Cup is just the Carling Cup – and THEY wouldn’t want that now, would THEY? Without the big boys the FA Cup is just the FA Trophy or FA Vase and the little guys wouldn’t want that, would they?

The Real FA Cup Awards 2010.

The Nominations Are: Click Link For All Polls

Best Player:
Sanchez Ming – Dulwich Hamlet
Marcel Jones – Enfield 1893
Ryan Ashe – Wealdstone
Jack King – Farnborough
Danny Forrest – Crawley
Danny Kedwell – AFC Wimbledon
Sam Duncum – Ilkeston

Best Game:
Broxbourne Borough V&E 1 Enfield 1893 4
Ashford Town (Mx) 2 Hendon 2 (9-8 on pens)
Farnborough 2 Hastings 1
Dartford 1 Chelmsford City 4
AFC Wimbledon 2 Crawley Town 1
Wealdstone 2 Rotherham 3

Best Ground: This one is not easy either.
Champion Hill – Dulwich Hamlet
Princes Park – Dartford
Beveree Stadium – Hampton & Richmond Borough

Most Helpful Club:
Wembley
Basildon United
Wealdstone
AFC Wimbledon
Sevenoaks

Team Of The Tournament:
Lowestoft Town
AFC Wimbledon
Tooting & Mitcham United
Aylesbury
Wealdstone
Enfield 1893
Forest Green

We’ve got our own ideas who should win but we want your suggestions too, we’ve been to lots of games but they are only a tiny fraction of games played.  So, leave comments here, email us at the address on the home page or Tweet us your opinion, we’ve already had a couple of suggestions …

Everton: Tweeter grandoldteam argued that the Toffees should win it “Because of our run last season (Liverpool, Villa, Man Utd en route…) only to fall at the last hurdle.” While we all would have fancied that being the actual result, it is still last season. Sorry, no.

Stoke City: Ilkeston Town fan @ilson_fan reasoned that the winners should be “Stoke. They beat York who beat Cambridge who beat the mighty Ilkeston so they must be REALLY good!”  That is compelling but we can’t have a Premier Lge team winning The Real FA Cup.

So what do we want you to bear in mind, who has been the nicest, most helpful club, who’s had the best team, scored the best goals, embodied the FA Cup spirit, had the best sense of humour, perhaps it was where you simply had the best day out, maybe it’s the team who has played the most games or got the furthest from where they started, or perhaps you think your local team should win?  Whichever of these is your reason, let us know and we’ll consider it.

Yes, we know that Forest Green are still in the Cup, we know there are some League 1 sides still in but they are going to have to go some to have the impact that some already have and, frankly, the mainstream coverage of the tournament is getting quite depressing. The Real has gone, hyperreal has arrived.  Obviously, we’re looking to our non-league followers to step up to the plate here but our short list is:

AFC Wimbledon | Aylesbury | Basildon Utd |Chelmsford City | Dartford | Lowestoft Town | Sutton Utd | Tooting & Mitcham | Wealdstone |

Who else should be on it – and why?

Last weekend we saw Chelmsford City beat Dartford in the FA Cup. They scored four but it should have, undoubtedly, been five. The one that got away was caught in all it’s glory by Simon and Matt so let’s have a look at it a bit closer. Above left we see the milliseconds after Edmans had rounded the keeper, found the goal gaping and side footed it … errr … goalwards. You can see the joy and elation etched on the faces of those directly behind the goal who think it’s going in. Even some to the left are lost in the moment of glory, however, you can see some fans further back and in line with the direction of the ball whose hands are not high and stretched wide, they are moving down to the top of their heads.

We’re not necessarily here to rip it out of Rob Edmans though, just seconds later he set up Chelmsford’s last goal with a beautiful cross, but these photos seem to capture more than the miss. These photos capture the moments immediately before and after the miss and they display the plethora of emotions through which players and fans alike go during each and every match. These photos, as much as any do, show exactly what football means to people and the range of emotions also belies the theory that football supporters are a homogenous, stereotypical mass.

In the next photo (above right) you can see Edmans has sunk to his knees as it dawns that the ball might not nestle in the onion sack. The inverse Mexican wave on the terrace has now spread from left all the way across, as hands come down to heads from above. Some of the fans are starting to express anger, some despair, some disbelief and some, perhaps the sharper or less passionate fans, are already wetting themselves with laughter, safe in the knowledge they are 3-1 up with 2 minutes left. This gamut of emotions is what makes football great, so wide in just one tiny fraction of a football match.

In the next photo (left) the majority of the fans have seen the funny side, they have realised they’ve just seen a bad miss but know it shouldn’t cost them. Still though, some are furious. The keeper is glancing to the bench with a hint of mirth and a smidge of relief but Edmans is still stuck in time, internally replaying the shot over and over and, almost certainly, wondering how he missed.

And now (right) it’s all sinking in for the rest in the scene, Edmans is still on his knees, still lost in a long moment of contemplation. Behind him, the keeper is perhaps now baffled, a gallic shrug belying his emotions but is the gesture expressing disbelief that Edmans missed or is it enquiring what his defence were doing to let him through in the first place. The player in the foreground, no17 Matt Lock, covers his mouth as if to force himself not to shout disbelief at his team mate. Similarly, Antonio Murray, no9, has turned away as if to pretend it never happened and even the Dartford outfield player has adopted the ‘speak no evil’ pose of a man not wishing to intrude on private grief.

And for last we save perhaps the best. Edmans has now given up his inner fight and is prostrate on the floor, accepting that he has in fact somehow missed that. The four fans pictured show the range of emotions, from disgust on the left to a wry smirk to hilarity to disbelief on the right.

So, a big sorry to Rob Edmans for featuring his miss, we hope he forgives us. Our interest was less in his misfortune and more to do with the various captured ways he and his fellow professionals affect us fans. This is a stark example but these emotions run through us every minute of every game to greater or lesser degrees. Even neutrals.

We’re no psychologists and we know photos like this appear quite regularly but we thought they photos said something, even if we aren’t entirely sure what that is, and wanted to share them with you. And we’ll leave you with this final photo, feel the joy. A big thanks to the players and fans of both Dartford and Chelmsford City for making our day, it perhaps wasn’t the best game we’ll see but it was one of the best days out we’ve had.

Damon

We had been led to believe, by people who should know better, that Dartford was a chav hell hole. Rubbish. A chav hell hole does not deliver three quality boozers, a cafe with a young ‘host’ more at home in Madame Jo Jo’,s or Brechtian discussions with the local youths?! This is a town with apparent diversity in its sense of self and a slightly tenacious attitude to make things better.

It fits, therefore, that the local council have essentially given the football team superb eco-ground (left) that is Princes Park. A wooden man (below right) holds aloft the roof of not only the north facing stand but, as it is a continuous oval wooden lid, effectively the whole ground.

Given the size of the ground (allegedly 4,000 capacity) the bar is dwarfed by Dulwich Hamlet’s behemoth of alcohol but it’s nice enough, if a little soulless.

As we suggested in our preview, this match was eagerly anticipated and would be very close. Correct on both counts, except the scoreline probably flattered Chelmsford a little.

This game mirrored, almost exactly, the game we saw at the 4th Qualifying Round stage last season, AFC Wimbledon 1 Wycombe W 4. A very similar pattern of play, not much happened during the even start, the higher team the more clinical with the few chances they had, the home side coming into it in the second half but getting suckered on the break at inopportune moments.

The main difference between these teams was that Chelmsford had a very solid defence that gave little away and they had goal poachers in abundance, with one glaring exception.

Before we ventured forth we sought fortification first from Shepherd Neame and then from the correctly titled ‘All Day Cafe’. The cafe was rammed to the gills and bubbling with atmosphere. It was either going ot be cheap, good or cheap and good.

There was a hubbub in the middle of the cafe, the waiter was rooting around in some woman’s bag. He found a white polka dot bikini and asked the diners if he should try it on. “YES” was the response, so he did, and catwalked up and down the caff from door to kitchen. It has to be said, this was not what we were expecting from Dartford.

The Dartford fans were equally as loud, although not as camp, often enquiring if they could knock out a tune for their opposite numbers. The Dartford fans must have been hard of hearing because the Clarets fans were making noise too. The Darts fans reminded their opponents that they were top of the league but this game was a wake up call.

In the first half, there were four shots of note and one header. The opening goal came from a corner, Murray (celebrating, left) taking two shots to score after the ball fell to him in the 6 yard box. The third shot resulted in the Dartford keeper tipping over a free kick and the fourth saw the Clarets go in at the break 2 nil up, Ricky Holmes shooting neatly in to the corner from the edge of the box.

The first half of the second half was almost entirely Dartford but they had very few sightings of goal. Chelmsford got a free kick about 25 yards out and Dave Rainford swept it over the wall and in to the corner. 3-0. Clinical. “3 nil and you still won’t sing”, sing the Darts fans. “Top of the league, you’re having a laugh” retort the Claret faithful. It was fair comment, bar one draw, Dartford have won all of their league games this season but, on this evidence, they are going to have to up their game somewhat if they are to compete in the league above.

The ref was very indecisive, there were 3 or 4 drop balls in this game for no apparent reason. You very rarely even see one and the crowd amusingly started shouting for them at every stoppage.

With around 15 left Dartford did finally get a great chance to get back in the game but Tait blasted over from 4 yards. Five minutes later another went begging when May headed wide when well placed.  They also smacked the woodwork. We thought that was probably it but then Dartford got a freekick and captain Flanagan sneaked in to plant one firmly past the keeper.

Game on? The Darts fans thought so, “Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy” they went. Chelmsford threatened to pop the optimism when the Dartford keeper made a hash of edge-of-the-box control and Chelmsford’s own ‘Crouchy’ found himself on the penalty spot with the keeper on the floor behind him and no defenders within 20 yards. He sidefooted the ball a foot past the post. The crowd were incredulous, that was probably the worst miss any of us has ever seen.

Seconds later ‘Crouchy’ does some twinkle toes down the left and crossed perfectly for Murray to touch home. ‘Crouchy’s’ miss was somewhat special, so much so that we’re going to devote a whole story to him. And apologies, ‘Crouchy’ is in real life Robert Edmans and he had a tidy game otherwise.

Dartford 1 Chelmsford City 4

Overall not the greatest game of FA Cup football but a fair bit of interest, incident and 5 goals so what more could you ask for? We retired to the Stage Door foor a few and were accosted by a hooded youth in the beer garden. Was the Dartford experience about to take the type of turn we were led to expect? The youth enquired if we were involved with the next door theatre and informed us of his involvement in a production of ‘The Resistable Rise of Arturo Ui’. Nope, we weren’t expecting that either.

We gave you the chance to send us further afield and you adventurous folk well and truly took it, huh! Literally to the edge of London we must venture, towards a massive great bridge! Or tunnel, depending which way you’re travelling.

The visitors, Chelmsford, are a league, if not currently a class, above. Minor interest point sees former Ipswich and Hibs player Antonio Murray lining up for the Blue Square South side after failing to get (or perhaps turning down) a new contract with top flight new boys Histon.

Chelmsford’s emphatic result in the previous round was sandwiched between two league defeats that have cost the ambitious clarets quite dearly and they now find themselves languishing in mid table, well off the pace they kept up for so long last season.

The home team on the other hand can do no wrong. The last time Dartford failed to win a league game it was still August. They’ve won their last five and have 28 points out of a possible 30 overall, which means they top the league by some distance. In the close season, Dartford signed a a player we saw several times at Dulwich last year, Jamie Coyle, and former Gooner, Jamie Day, who left Highbury to join Bournemeouth and now finds himself sliding down the leagues.

This may not be quite the biggest name clash in this round of the FA Cup but it’s one of the most eagerly anticipated and it’ going to be one where a bit of an upset is possible. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if the bookies have this one quite evenly poised.

35/40mins from London Bridge and the below link looks handily placed between station and ground …

http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/67/6757/Malt_Shovel/Dartford