OK folks, this season’s Real FA Cup is officially over. Curtains. The last non-league side is out … and few genuinely small clubs remain, in fact only Notts County really, if they still exist when you read this. We’ll keep an eye on the rest of the tournoi, and might even comment, but that is essentially it for us for this season so it’s time to find out who this year’s winners are and celebrate the season that was.

Winning is most definitely relative in our world, of course, but who are this year’s FA Cup winners? Well, we are, AHHHHH, as you good, good people have ‘hit’ us nearly 18,000 times since August! 400 of you even follow our additional ramblings on Twitter. And 1200 of you took the time to vote in our polls over the course of the season (yes, we’re surprised at that amount too), although in this round of voting most of you appear to have been Wealdstone or Ilkeston fans. Ah well, such is the problem with online Polls.

We wish we had some rosettes, a stage and a guest speaker for this bit. If we did, our rosettes would be blue, our stage would be at salubrious music venue the Borderline and our guest speaker would be Dartford’s Camp Café Host (see Darts/Clarets match report) LINK HERE

Best Player: This was a fairly well populated category, a number of players have caught our wandering and fickle eye. Sanchez Ming of Dulwich Hamlet was our MoM against Sevenoaks, although clearly not his manager’s as he only made the bench for the replay. Marcel Jones of Enfield 1894 impressed us against Broxbourne with his dancing feet. Jack King of Farnborough, Ryan Ashe of Wealdstone and Danny Forrest of Crawley all impressed with, respectively, their style, passing and energy. Actually, all of them could also get the nod for their shooting and reading of the game. Sam Duncum of Ilkeston deserves more than a mention for scaring the bejaysus out of Cambridge defenders, even when his team were second best for large chunks of the game.

For us, however, Danny Kedwell of AFC Wimbledon probably put in the best all round shift that we saw during the Cup run, rarely does one man’s performance and effort epitomise a team’s but his did. However, Danny only came third in the online poll while the winner garnered 52% of the vote to second place Sam Duncum’s 39%. The winner scored two cracking goals against then League 2 high flyers Rotherham and we’re overjoyed to announce that Wealdstone playmaker and all round good guy, Ryan Ashe, is the 2010 Real FA Cup Player Of The Season!

Best Game: This wouldn’t have been easy for us to choose because we saw quite a few good games, to be fair. Enfield and Broxbourne gave us some great passing that belied their status in the pyramid. Ashford Town (Middx) and Hendon served up a corking finale and penalty shoot out. Farnborough and Hastings was a great summery day out and quite a battle. Dartford and Chelmsford was a funny, drunken day out but with the added bonus of a cracking game, loads of goals and a ridiculous missed sitter. The aforementioned Danny Kedwell served up a treat at Kingsmeadow where Crawley should have been 2 goals to the good but then got humped by ten man AFC in the second half.

But the award goes to the team who managed to mobilise the most fans to vote, again, we said cynically but with tongue in cheek. It was a very decent game, it had a good atmosphere, it had as many fans as you are likely to see down the Vale, it had some cracking goals, a cameraman perched on the roof and a sublime chip from Real FA Cup interviewee and Player Of The Season, Ryan Ashe. What more could you want? A cupset would have been nice but let’s not be picky. 2010 Real FA Cup Game Of The Season is Wealdstone 2 Rotherham 3.

A few more esoteric awards before we go on. Best Ice Cream goes to Farnborough, so big we took a photo of it and it’s become our most linked-to photo via Google!?!? Best Miss goes to Rob Edmans of Chelmsford City, so bad we devoted a whole article to it. Best Burger was at Wembley FC, so cheap we thought it was wrong – and it was served by the oldest couple we’ve ever seen working a football tea bar. Fair play to you folks. Weirdest question goes to the hooded chav in Dartford who asked us if we were actors. Oddly, one of us is.

Best Ground: We have loved Dulwich Hamlet’s main stand and massive bar for a couple of years now, we enjoyed the ambience and tradition of Hampton & Richmond Borough’s quaint and homely patchwork stands (not to mention its local boozers) and we were intrigued by the big ideas of Farnborough’s electronic scoreboard and massive new stand. We were also baffled by Sevenoaks’ strange see through fence and overlooking hill that rendered paying entry almost pointless for anyone wanting to watch the game. We did pay, though. We foolishly left in an ‘other’ option on this vote and feared an influx of Wealdstone fans might swing this one too but, no, only the enthusiastic Ilkestonites chose to big up their New Manor Ground. But it wasn’t enough.

As a model of how to go about building a new non-league ground, it is our opinion that you cannot get much better than a ground that provides basic shelter for proles and toffs alike, has an iconic piece of artwork, a quote from Big Ron, a decent bar and a good view. The ground might have been built with a bit of money but the club and architects did not just go for size, they also made sure it packed in some enviro cred and some decent aesthetics for the whole crowd. The winner, of course, is the much vaunted Princes Park, home of Dartford FC. This would have been our choice too so congrats.

That’s three quarters of the Polls catered for, only one left. But there are a few other mentions we think are deserved. These are not necessarily teams who we’ve seen but teams who have been talking points in the wider football community over the course of the early FA Cup rounds. Firstly, we have to mention Paulton Rovers. They got a fair way in glorious fashion before serving themselves up as fodder for the Canary revival. Staines deserve a mention for running Millwall close and Northwich similarly for slaying Charlton. Both these teams provided some mid season cheer for fans and pundits alike. A final thought for Ashford Town of Middlesex who not only suffered the agony of FA Cup penalty defeat to Hendon but also suffering another shoot out defeat only a week later, grim!

There were also quite a few teams who went a long way, in relative terms. A few managed to play in 4 or 5 rounds of the FA Cup and, although there are a few teams who could better that in the continuing FA Cup, the odds on Leeds or Southampton getting to the semi finals are, we would have thought, fairly slim. The eventual winner of the FA Cup will have played in 6 rounds and it is well worthwhile putting the 6 round achievement in context. Two teams have already done that so, in all ways but lifting the actual cup or beating the best teams in the country, heh, two teams have already ‘won’ the Cup. Lowestoft Town started in the Preliminary Round and got to the 1^st Round proper for the first time in 32 years, where they only just lost to Wrexham. Belying the notion that the Cup is dead, Lowestoft’s attendances outmuscled their league attendances in every round except the Preliminary Round, a stage they’ve passed in 6 of the last 7 seasons so maybe the fans are getting a bit laissez faire about it. In the 3rd qualifying round they tripled their average attendance and it was around double for most of the run!

Actually, Lowestoft share this magnificent honour with another team who played in 6 rounds but this team played in more games and also have the distinction of being the last team to get knocked out who started right from the very start in the Extra Preliminary Round. This team didn’t really endear themselves to us early on – and indeed us to them. Firstly, we got them confused with the Mighty Ducks, our honest, careless, preview mistake. SORRY. Then we laughed at their central defender who had a hilariously bandaged head before the game had even started. During the game they were dogged but unconvincing and got out of jail with a barely deserved late equaliser. We then bottled traversing the Chilterns and the Aylesbury Vale to get to the replay, which we still regret.

Aylesbury started the FA Cup at the same time we did, at the very start, and got to the heady heights of the 4^th Qualifying round, so we now have a soft spot for them. They got further than any other team except Lowestoft and played 9 (Nine) games, which is unlikely to be beaten in this year’s Cup. As much as any team in this tournament will win the cup, Aylesbury can perhaps quantitatively say, they have already.

Most Helpful Club: This is perhaps a wishy washy award but also a qualitative counterpoint to the quantitative win of Aylesbury. Our winners here are a very lowly side but, before we get to them, a special mention must go to Howard Krais and Wealdstone, Andy Walker and Wembley and AFC Wimbledon. But, for amusingly pandering to our burgeoning ego by describing us as ‘media partners’, and for being encouraging, helpful and generous, this accolade goes specifically to Martyn Guest. and Richard Mann but more generally to BASILDON UNITED!

I am, myself, going to vomit as I tell you that all these teams, fans and players are WINNERS of this year’s real FA Cup. [wipes bile from lips] It’s true though, all of these things mean the Cup is great. They involve, largely, experiences we could not have had at Premier or Championship games, nor, most likely, at League 1, 2 or Blue Square Premier games. However, objectively, we have noted, you have voted and, overall, your team of the tournament winners are:

1. Wealdstone 53%
2. Aylesbury 27%
3. Lowestoft Town 7%
4. Forest Green Rovers 4%

That is more or less it from us on the FA Cup for this season, the ingrates of the top two tiers can have their version of the Cup, the one they think is devalued, the one they have devalued, yet the one they think they own. We say ‘they’ but it is also ‘their’ fans and the hacks who do it down. It’s also us and other fans. We all seem to moan about viewing unglamorous ties, yet fans don’t turn up when Premier Lge plays Premier Lge. Even when there is an upset these days (Reading over Liverpool, Leeds over Man Utd), the media emphasis is always on the failings of the higher team, it is very rare that the achievement of the underdog is celebrated. It MUST be the failure of the ‘better’ team.

As self-righteous and pompous as that most obviously is, without the teams from the top two tiers the Cup would arguably be nothing. They are the teams that the non-league teams strive to face. However, what THEY constantly forget is that without the little teams the FA Cup is just the Carling Cup – and THEY wouldn’t want that now, would THEY? Without the big boys the FA Cup is just the FA Trophy or FA Vase and the little guys wouldn’t want that, would they?

We’ve got our own ideas who should win but we want your suggestions too, we’ve been to lots of games but they are only a tiny fraction of games played.  So, leave comments here, email us at the address on the home page or Tweet us your opinion, we’ve already had a couple of suggestions …

Everton: Tweeter grandoldteam argued that the Toffees should win it “Because of our run last season (Liverpool, Villa, Man Utd en route…) only to fall at the last hurdle.” While we all would have fancied that being the actual result, it is still last season. Sorry, no.

Stoke City: Ilkeston Town fan @ilson_fan reasoned that the winners should be “Stoke. They beat York who beat Cambridge who beat the mighty Ilkeston so they must be REALLY good!”  That is compelling but we can’t have a Premier Lge team winning The Real FA Cup.

So what do we want you to bear in mind, who has been the nicest, most helpful club, who’s had the best team, scored the best goals, embodied the FA Cup spirit, had the best sense of humour, perhaps it was where you simply had the best day out, maybe it’s the team who has played the most games or got the furthest from where they started, or perhaps you think your local team should win?  Whichever of these is your reason, let us know and we’ll consider it.

Yes, we know that Forest Green are still in the Cup, we know there are some League 1 sides still in but they are going to have to go some to have the impact that some already have and, frankly, the mainstream coverage of the tournament is getting quite depressing. The Real has gone, hyperreal has arrived.  Obviously, we’re looking to our non-league followers to step up to the plate here but our short list is:

AFC Wimbledon | Aylesbury | Basildon Utd |Chelmsford City | Dartford | Lowestoft Town | Sutton Utd | Tooting & Mitcham | Wealdstone |

Who else should be on it – and why?

Best game so far? Probably AFC Wimbledon 3 Crawley Town 1, with AFC down to ten men and seemingly out they raised the bar, raised their game and put a shell-shocked Crawley to the sword. Notable mention also for Broxbourne Borough V&E 1 Enfield 1893 4, a game where the quality exceeded the apparent lowly status of the teams present.

Through the Christmas and New Year period, before the Cup kicks off again, we’re going to look back, briefly, round-by-round, at the games we’ve been to and see how the teams we’ve seen have fared since we saw them.

Extra Preliminary Round:

Since we visited Wembley FC on that lovely sunny summer day things have been a bit rocky for them. The cup defeat didn’t initially seem to affect them too much and they won their next 2 league games. However, after those games they lost 9 on the bounce, only halting the run with a draw at home to Sandhurst Town before then going on to lose 2 more. For most of that run the Lions’ pride have been bereft of realfacup interview star Andy Walker through injury.

Despite this tawdry run, they last week managed a jaw-dropping, and perhaps season-turning, 5-4 home victory over Raynes Park Vale that lifted them off the bottom. Despite the rank results in the league, Wembley managed 4 rounds in the FA Vase beating Wootton Blue Cross, St Margaresbury and Langford before crashing out to Hoddesdon in round 2.

Basildon United, on the other hand, currently lie 6th in the Essex Senior League. Although victorious in this round of the FA Cup, Basildon lost 3-0 away at Erith in the Preliminary Round so their cup was fairly short lived this time round. An indifferent November has cost them because they were at one point level with leaders Burnham Ramblers but have now slipped 5 points behind. Any promotion is going to be tricky as the leaders and teams around the Bees have games in hand.

Runners up in both of the last two seasons, eternal bridesmaids Enfield 1893 find themselves in familiar territory just a few points off the top. They are just above Basildon on goal difference and are currently best placed to catch the leaders. After Enfield had taken their landlords, Broxbourne, to pieces their season stagnated a little but has really picked up in recent weeks. Since they lost 5-0 to league leaders Bethnal Green in early October Enfield have won 5 drawn 2 and lost just 1 game , a run that has taken them to within a point of second place and with 2 games in hand.

Enfield have got to at least the 2nd Qualifying Round in 6 of the last 10 years but this season saw the most games they’ve played in the cup for 10 years. In the Preliminary Round they beat Crawley Green 7-0 and followed that up with 3-3 and 1-1 draws with Halstead Town in the 1st Qualifying Round before winning a penalty shoot out. In the 2nd Qualifying Round Enfield were visited by a high flying Chelmsford City side three leagues above them and got well and truly battered 0-5. They did also get to the 2nd Round of the Vase before losing, oddly, to Cambridge Regional College.

Finally, Broxbourne Borough V&E. The vanquished BBVE are doing very well this season. The Boro’ lie 4th in the Spartan South Midlands Premier five points off the promotion places but, tucked in nicely, with a game in hand. BBVE have won their last three league games racking up 9 goals but also got knocked out of the FA Vase in the 1st Round, losing to Stotfold.

It seems a long time ago that we watched these games, both were watched in warm sunshine on Saturday afternoons. Now though, as the windfall leaves start to be swept from non-league grounds, the waterlog sets it and the frost starts to bite, three of the four teams we saw in the Extra Preliminary Round are getting the decorations ready. Wembley, on the other hand, might need some charity this Christmas. Next time round, we catch up with the teams we saw in the Preliminary Round, Chertsey, Met Police, Sevenoaks and our local boys Dulwich Hamlet.

Wembley FC 2 Basildon Utd 3.

Well, here we are then. A perfectly reasonable summer lunchtime sees us head away from South London, heavily armed with shades, camera, phone, note book and pen.

Cassell's Claws

Tooled up for our raid on Norf West Lahndan we head for Lords for the smack of leather on willow, cucumber sandwiches, a flask of tea and maybe a nip of gin. Oh, no, hang on, that isn’t linseed oil, it’s deep heat, the football season has started and excitement is in the air! Except it really isn’t. After the build up of the last few weeks, today seems somewhat subdued. There are no crowds at Sudbury Town tube, even the Swan has precious few punters watching the 2nd half of Chelsea .v. Hull. It’s summer and it’s warm and people are out doing summery things.

We, however, are off to Vale Farm for the FA Cup.

Our journey passed slowly but uneventfully. Our entry to the ground was pedestrian and unremarkable, the programmes were sold out. The game was quite good and the players were really up for it. Everything else seemed quite calm, there was a sparseness to the crowd that added to the feeling that the season hadn’t quite started. We don’t yet know the attendance but it couldn’t have been quite in three figures. A LOT less than when we were here for Hendon .v. AFC Telford last season.

Ooof

Obligatory ‘in the shadow of the Wembley Arch’ out of the way, I’m afraid the beautiful symmetry of Wembley FC getting to Wembley will have to wait another year. At least. Wembley’s stay did at least last longer than our good camera, the batteries for which expired while trying to photo the team sheet. The Wembley side of the sheet lacked the injured Andy Walker, shame as we’d hoped to get some photos of this elusive centre back. Bit of a blow for Wembley.

The first 10-15 minutes of the game passed with phone camera poised but unused. It was a tense, scrappy opening, with neither team looking either composed or convincing. Basildon did though look like a collection of players who actually knew each other. Wembley were a little ragged. The first memorable action came on about 15 when a voice from the Basildon dugout gave a curt reminder to his charges that the game is not a complicated animal. “Simple it up” was the shout and it was met by a monumental hoof up the pitch. “That was pretty simple” said one wag a few feet along the touchline.

That did, however, serve to focus the mind. Basildon started to have some possession and within five minutes should have been one up. A period of possession around the Wembley box resulted in a goalmouth scramble. The ball was half cleared but an angled Basildon drive towards the bottom corner struck the unfortunate Bee Ollie Baker and was cleared to safety by the grateful Wembley defence. That was unlucky, should have been 1 zip.

Basildon regained possession and were building up a head of steam. A sweet cross field pass to Paul Richardson set him free down the right, he beat his man but couldn’t get a clean cross in and won a corner. The corner was perfect, arrowed in to the penalty spot where Martyn Guest leapt like the most salmony of salmon and hung like the buzziest of Bees, smashing a header onto the bar. Not for the last time in the game Cassells in the Wembley goal didn’t quite get enough of the ball and Luke Bauckman forced it in the rebound. 0-1 Basildon.

Wembley Chance

Basildon were now purposeful and accurate, playing good balls to feet with efficient off the ball movement. Wembley had resorted to hopeful out balls and were under pressure.

Benkalba broke in a rare Wembley attack but was hauled down by Guest, a blot on an otherwise impressive start from therealfacup’s premiere interviewee. The resultant free kick was somewhat wasted. Guesty then got involved in some handbags with Paul Shelton and it probably deserved a card a piece. The ref had other ideas and, as he’d dealt well with the few potential flashpoints of the game with a talking to, so he did here.

Of course, then Wembley’s Black took out Basildon’s Baker and got himself a yellow. Wembley had now completely lost discipline and some more handbags preceded a Basildon attack that was ended by some shirt tugging on the edge of the box. Wembley’s Habbaz paid for getting shirty with his name. Guest went for goal direct from the free kick but didn’t test the keeper, although the defence was all over the place.

Heads Up

Basildon are now well on top and a lovely chip from the lively Rick Robinson slips narrowly past the post. After 38 minutes Wembley buckled, Baker crossed and Bauckman steered a sturdy header past the wobbly Cassell in Wembley’s goal.

As Wembley desperately tried to regain a hold on the game the obviously talented but possession-starved Campbell-Grimshaw switched wings. We have no idea how but almost immediately Wembley were in the Basildon box. The lime green-booted Ankram shot straight at the keeper but the ball fell at his feet and one miscued shot past the floored Palmer later, Wembley are back in the game. I’d like to hyphenate some more words here but I’ve run out. Wembley 1 Basildon 2. 38 minutes.

From absolutely nothing, Wembley now had a way back. It’s now Basildon’s turn to get nervy. They don’t need to and Poole sees this, vociferously calling his comrades together. “Do more” is the slightly obvious but economical shout from the Basildon bench. Nervously but with no real scrapes, Basildon made it to half time 2-1 up.

The Vale bar was not as welcoming as on our last visit, it wasn’t open from the pitch so you had to go out of the ground and round the front of the club. We decided against the walk and opted for the perfectly acceptable burger and chips. What is this lunacy, no half time beer? Ah well, £2.25, bargain. Half time was only remarkable for the relentless bothering our burgers received at the wings of wasps and the octagenarian occupants of the food hut diligently but slowly preparing our feast.

Basildon had the best of the first 10 minutes of the second half and effectively killed the game on about 53 minutes. Some nice work down the left was turned dangerous when Robinson picked the ball up just inside the box near the touchline. He flicked the ball across beautifully, just too deep for the keeper to come for it and Richardson was the player gambling and forcing the ball over the line. Wembley 1 Basildon 3.

Wembley’s first real effort to get back in the game took until about 60 minutes and came from a corner. The largely ineffectual Bates for once lost his man at a corner but, despite being well set, fired his header well wide.

A bit of a midfield tussle saw the ref blow the whistle but the action continued. The ref blew again. And again to halt the play. Seeing the players failing to halt, a young lady walking behind us shouted “Didn’t you hear the bell!?” We looked at each other, confused as she added “I mean the whistle”.

After about 67 minutes Wembley decided it was time for subs. Two. Within a minute one of them, Jerome Walker, was booked. With fresh instruction to go “3 up top” Wembley enlivened themselves and it started go from end to end but with no clear chances. Basildon followed suit with their own substitute to combat this and some more handbags ensued between Wembley’s Shelton and Basildon’s Merchant.

The way I’ve described the handbags makes it sound a dirty game but really it wasn’t, it was just eagerly contested by two teams who wanted to win. It was a little niggly but there was little of any malevolence.

Turn

One of the more notable fluctuations in play was a nice move down Wembley’s right between Benkalba and Hale but the cross, although good, saw no forwards bursting into the box. There was about 15 minutes to go and Simon noted that it must be pretty depressing to go out of the FA Cup on the 15th August. Fair point.

At the other end Richardson blasted over after being played in and sub Wackett was denied by a last ditch tackle after brilliantly and powerfully beating several defenders. Another Basildon foray into the Wembley box saw Hale slice a clearance for a corner. A very audible “Fuck” from the culpable defender summed up Wembley’s afternoon. They should at least have been a good match for Basildon but they really hadn’t turned up today.

With about 5 minutes to go Wembley threw themselves a very tenuous lifeline. Again from nothing Walker found himself about 25 yards out and rifled a shot far to the keeper’s right. Probably the goal of the game but it was still Wembley 2 Basildon 3.

Wembley now had a fairly unlikely chance of getting something out of the tie. The next 8 or 9 minutes passed with a minor head injury, some time wasting, a Wembley cross and a final rallying cry from Guest for Basildon to see out the remaining time. In the middle of all that several Wembley players emplored the ref to stop the clock for the injury and the manager finally found his voice to try to stir his team into action.

Final score Wembley 2 Basildon 3.
MOM: Paul Richardson – Basildon Utd

Team Sheet

So, five goals, a couple of very good ones, a good ref and the right result. The pick of the players were all from Basildon, although Manuva and Walker looked dangerous after they came on for Wembley. Guest and Poole marshalled the side superbly, Robinson gave a lot up front without getting much in return and Bauckman came up with 2 goals. However, the stand out player for us was Paul Richardson, scorer of the 3rd goal. He passed well, made himself available, arrived late in the box from midfield and was involved in a number of Basildon’s best moves.

However, despite the goals and it being a watchable game, it was slightly flat on the touchline. When we came to vale Farm before, it was rocking, today it was quiet. Maybe it was just start of the season blues, maybe people were watching Jeff Stelling. Either way, the FA Cup is underway.

The FA Cup football special, is about to depart. Of course, it isn’t because the usual litany of TfL horror awaits. The nearest rail hub to Wembley FC is, obviously, shut at the weekend so the nearest tube is Sudbury Town on the Piccadilly line.

From the station head down Station Approach to Bridgewater Road and then left and over the roundabout towards the Harrow Road/Watford Road junction. Take the Watford option and the club is just beyond Eton Avenue on the right hand side, so keep your eyes peeled. If you fancy a beer before hand we hope to be in the Swan, which is a few yards up Harrow Road. Should be there by about 1 before heading to the club bar at about 2.

Crocodile Shoes

As the football season prepares to, once again, launch itself headlong into the nation’s consciousness, Andy Walker of Wembley FC launches himself headlong into the eyes of the therealfacup.

Any parallels between our first two interview victims are tenuous and very much not football related. They’re both very busy people, both centre backs, both appear to like visiting the non United bits of America and both will be playing in the FA Cup. The main difference, though, is at every home game Andy can gaze wistfully at Wembley’s big arch during the moments when the ball is at the other end of the Vale Farm pitch.

Currently in the Combined Counties Premier Division, Andy’s an old hand at the FA Cup but the last two campaigns could be said to be mixed. The 3-0 beating Wembley gave Haringey Borough two seasons ago after a replay is, undoubtedly, a high point, particularly as he ruefully admits it’s “the only time I’ve ever ended up on the winning side.” Incidentally, that game is one of many documented by author John Stoneman who went on his own journey through FA Cup.

Andrew Walker - Wembley FC

Job: Market Research
Car: N/A
Nickname: None given
Favourite Player: Peter Beardsley

I’ve no idea how few players we’ll come across this year that appear in a book about the FA Cup (very few) but Andy won’t be the only one to have been sent off in it. He won’t thank me much for dredging up the second yellow against Royston last season that signalled the end of his game and, judging by reports, the end of Wembley’s participation in the FA Cup that season. We weren’t there but the Wembley website hints Andy was, at the time, holding the defence together, while other reports suggest he was a little unfortunate with at least one of the cards.

We won’t dwell on that but we will dawdle a while on Andy’s favourite team. therealfacup won’t divert too frequently into the upper echelons of the game but, sadly, Andy’s team is no longer there and they do crop up regularly in the interview. From his favourite player to football’s Gaffer of Gaffers via the possibly thorny topic of football finance we wind. There’s little magic here.

Most Difficult Opponent: Anyone with pace
Favourite Other Team: Newcastle United
Pre-Match Meal: Cereal
Favourite TV Show: The Apprentice

The word ‘great’ is attributed to many but deserved by few. As I’m sure we’re all now aware, former Newcastle and Ipswich manager , Sir Bobby Robson, finally succumbed to the cancer he has already fought off four times. All Newcastle, Ipswich, Fulham and maybe even West Brom fans will definitely have taken a moment last weekend but, the thing is, they wouldn’t have been alone. “Very few managers achieve success while still being admired by opponents” said Andy, catching precisely the mood of the footballing nation and even those outside.

The word ‘great’ is not, however, one that sits comfortably with Newcastle at the moment, certainly not when it comes to finance and the perhaps unfounded rumours of administration. Andy believes the amount of money in the game is “fine, as long as clubs are generating as much as they are spending. Problems only arise when clubs try to live beyond their means”. I’d be misquoting Andy if I implied he made that comment in relation to Newcastle, which he didn’t, but, obviously, they are one of many top flight teams who have spent beyond their means and the relevance looms large at St James’ now they’ve dropped a division.

Celery

Another manager who made it into this interview is, even less surprisingly than Sir Bob, Andy’s current manager at Wembley. Perhaps more surprising is the context in which he cropped up. “Last season one of our players left their boots in the changing room after training. By the Saturday they had been concreted into a bucket” said Andy. The culprit? Ian Bates, Wembley manager and, apparently, dressing room joker.

With this anecdote seemingly rather at odds with the common perception of a manager, I asked Andy about the veracity of his response to the ‘favourite pop star’ question. Without giving too much away I am now wondering if Gaffer Bates is really the team joker. “Celery and umbrellas” indeed.

“My dad always told me he regretted giving up football at a young age and that has motivated me to keep working at it” says Andy of the biggest influence on his career. Maybe that’s why there’s no resting on laurels and his ambition is “to keep improving and help get Wembley back to the top end of the table, as we were a couple of years ago.”

Something that surprised me a little at both Andy and Martyn’s responses was that they had not heard any notable terrace songs in games in which they had played. I suppose it’s not entirely surprising they haven’t heard songs about themselves, not even all pro footballers get that accolade, but to not have heard any at all got me wondering. I don’t have a vast memory bank of FA Cup/non-league games but even I can remember some tunes. He says there’s “not usually enough people there to get any songs going” but I can only suspect that Andy is so immersed in the game that he doesn’t notice???

Last week we broached the topic of the magic of the cup and it’s individual nature. Like Martyn before him, Andy’s hope for future rounds was not to make the short trip to THE stadium itself and not to draw one of the big 4 or even the team he supports but a team that means something to him, his former club Horley Town. There’s a reality here, there’s a lack of the mediated response of footballers claiming their new club to be the one they’ve always dreamt of playing for. There’s no claims of an imminent title win, no boasts of supremacy, it’s all about bettering oneself, doing your best and enjoying it while respecting where you’ve come from and who got you there.

This is refreshing, it’s why we wanted to go to such games. It also may not be a revelation to many reading, maybe it is, but we’re new at this game and we like it.

Thanks again to Andy for taking time out from work to answer a few questions, it’s much appreciated, and good luck in today’s big kick off against Chertsey.

One final thing though. “It’s not about the good balls, it not about the bad balls, its all about the right balls.” This is apparently Andy’s favourite football cliche? Is this another in joke? Will one of his team mates please let us know?

Thanks to Andy Walker and also to Laura for facilitating the interview.

Guesty getting to the ball first

Name: Martyn Guest
Height: 6’0″
Weight: 14st
Previous Clubs: Tilbury, Bowers & Pitsea

Thanks to Martyn for being the first realfacup victim. We were as much interview virgins as, apparently, he was. Anyway, therealfacup could have talked to him for hours but he has a life, even if we don’t.

The confidence that comes with the new, the yet to unfold, can be a very short lived confidence, particularly in football. Going into this season at Basildon United Martyn thinks it could be a good one. After last year’s encouraging mid table finish, “the retention of players and manager mean this could be a good season” for the club. This could be a good cup run too, The Bees have fairly recently beaten their FA Cup opposition convincingly in last year’s FA Vase so they have nothing to fear from their perhaps better known opponents.

Whether he has the fear or not, Martyn says “he always respects the opposition” and his admiration for local rivals Bowers, Tilbury and Tiptree is clear, the latter he rates as his “toughest opponents”. ‘Guesty’ didn’t elaborate on why Tiptree are tough opponents, just that they are a good team. Neither was he specific about which players were toughest, which I’m happy to gloss over in favour of added mystery and we don’t want to give away his secrets. But, he’ll only have to wait until December for that particular tough fixture to come round again.

Job: General Builder
Car: Ford Transit
Nickname: Guesty
Favourite Player: David Beckham

As for the FA Cup, Martyn’s looking forward to it, he’s only played for the jug once before so can’t wait to get into it. Erith Town or Ampthill Town await in the next round and Leighton Town, Langford or Aylesbury in the 1st Qualifying Round but I asked him who he’d most like to get if they get through. Perhaps surprisingly, or maybe realistically, Martyn didn’t get all misty eyed and start dreaming of clashes with the big 4 or his favoured West Ham. Without hesitation, he went for Ryman Premier League side Hornchurch, because “I used to live there, so that would be good”.

Until 15th August, therealfacup will not see Martyn play but he modestly describes himself as “a no nonsense centre back, comfortable on the ball and can play a bit”. We’ll see what his team mates have to say if they read this, particularly Mr Poulter the below mentioned dressing room joker. That said, he tell us this with a matter-of-fact air, with realism and no sense of drama or arrogance. It sits comfortably alongside his Hornchurch wish for the Cup, his assertion that the biggest influences on his career are his friends and the down to earth realism for the season ahead. We’re building up a picture of a very amiable, honest, hard working guy happy with his lot and looking forward to the season.

‘Good effort’ is Martyn’s apt favourite football cliche, effort and application is clearly an important ethic for him and he’s quick to acknowledge the role that manager and fans play in that ethic. At the end of the interview he wanted to “thank the fans and manager for their support and good luck to Football 4 The Community”, the Basildon United community project.

Most Difficult Opponents: Tiptree
Favourite Team: West Ham
Basildon Utd Dressing Room Joker: Stephen Poulter
Pre-Match Meal: Beans On Toast
Favourite TV Show: Friends

Although thanking the fans that do come, I get the impression that Martyn would like the Football 4 The Community project to succeed in bringing more fans into the ground on match days and ramping up the atmosphere, a thought Ipm sure shared by his team mates and Chairman

I asked Martyn if the fans had any songs about him and he was either being coy or the Basildon fans need to sing a bit louder.

Drifting away from the immediate future, I asked Martyn about the gulf between the Essex Senior League and the very top of the pyramid. There was no trace of envy in his response, “I’m not too bothered earning a fortune from the game because I enjoy playing” but he conceded, with a chuckle, that he “wouldn’t turn it down if it came along”. Not in a rush to swap the Transit for a Ferrari in a hurry but Martyn did admit that if a bigger club came in for him he said he’d definitely think about testing himself at a higher level. Martyn’s too modest to say how far up the pyramid he could go but, if you’re reading, Alex Ferguson, he thinks your The Gaffer of gaffers.

Favoutie Pop Star: John Mayer
Favourite Food: Steak
Best Place Visited: Cancun, Mexico
Miscellaneous Likes: Playing Golf
Miscellaneous Dislikes: Stressing About Things

Again, thanks to Martyn for sparing us a few minutes of precious Friday evening time. I don’t think he noticed that I’d been drinking all day at the cricket and was a little worse for wear but, if he did, he didn’t laugh too loud.

Good luck Martyn, Basildon Utd and all teams playing for this year’s Cup

Damon

With thanks to Richard Mann, Andy Everett and the man himself, Guesty.