the real fa cup

Todays Papers

This week, coverage of England has gone a bit English. The red tops have gone all Tony the Tiger and want us to put the Grrrr back in Grrrreat Britain, or something. Get into “em, f**k ’em up”‘ seems to be the prevailing message. “Carry On Swearing”’ says the Star’s Danny Fulbrook to Wazza, not at all inviting the almost inevitable meltdown so they can tear him a new one when England fail. The Star have moved to the front pages of the paper quite soon and they’re littered with blokes in chainmail, wielding swords and hugging shields with the Cross of *ahem* St George emblazoned over pretty much every inch of everything. “It’s our World Cup, go get it back”, they roar, ignoring the fact it was handcrafted in France by comely maidens.

In a similar vein, “Carry on ranting” says the Sun’s Steven Howard to Fabio. “After all, it has worked for the last 25 games” he reasons. Well, tactics and that not required then? Grrrrr. Also in the Sun El Terry of the Costa Scribes tells us his Top 100 World Cup stars. Half of England’s team are in the top 15 so surely we can’t fail to win the damn thing? Well, maybe, maybe not, only another 2 make the top 100. Also, Venables used to say that if a team had 5 players who could score a goal they’d probably win. Well, 2 of the 5 Lions that El Tel lists are defenders so, the pre-requisite 5 are not there. We’re doomed? Probably, given Spain have 7 attackers in Terry’s top 30, you can perhaps draw your own conclusions about where Venablia thinks Jules might end up this time.

Tuesday and Wednesday were John Terry’s days to say England could win the World Cup, while at the same time moaning about the ball, the altitude, the lack of top-end moisturiser and the frustration caused by poor quality hotel lighting. Today it’s Joe Cole’s turn to insist “we” can win the World Cup and he is EVERYWHERE, every paper running an EXCLUSIVE! God I’m bored, I can’t wait for the telly stuff to kick off so I don;t have to read the newspapers ever again.

Joe seemed less bothered about the Jabulani but the Telegraph’s Alan Smith cast an ex-pro’s eye over the phenomenon that is the Adidas ball and concluded that ball, not talent, meant he only scored about 20 goals a season when he was gangling around defenders 20 years ago. Talent, effort, application and fortune would not have improved Smudger’s return, but this ball would have magically made him a 50 goal a season striker!! Yes, 50! FIFTY! What a majestic piece of kit this vulcanized rubber device must be!

The Mail’s Alex Kay, the Telegraph’s Ian Chadband and even Tottingham legend Ossie Ardiles believe Lionel Messi is the key to Argentina’s World Cup. Not controversial but about 30,000 words between them was a bit OTT. That was particularly the case when, within minutes of the presses stopping for the day, Argentina’s fitness coach was telling the world that the little maestro was knackered and nothing could get him in shape for the World Cup, except several weeks of rest. Doh! By which time presumably Divine Diego’s followers will have been sent home and moved on to a lesser god.

The Sport’s Dean Windass thumped tubs and waxed lyrical about oxen, lions, battles and going hell-for-leather, after insisting we had to “nip our collective arseholes” and stop “pissing about with multiple substitutions and weird experimental formations”. Well, that’s that sorted then. In the Mail, modest, card-happy, Tring-based, ex- whistler, Graham Poll, noted that four years ago he was “one of the very best referees in the world”. He was, to be fair, and he now thinks Carlos Simon is getting grief erroneously and is actually a good ref with some unfair baggage. Poll is backing Carlos to deal with the England USA game in a thoroughly professional manner

Finally, this gem from the comments sction in the Mail sum up perfectly what is wrong with not only the average Mail reader but also the average English football ‘fan’. I really do despair.

Lovely, Lovely People

1 Comment
  1. That letter sums up everything I hate about England fans. The NY Times has it right when they say that USA can beat England due to England’s uncomfortable mixture of Ignorance and Arrogance.

    Hate the jingoistic(sp?) press here. That’s why I like the slightly more balanced views in the Guardian.

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